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Cassie has some interesting observations about back handed compliments:
The most recent comment came from a fellow at a nice outdoor performance this past Thursday, after the band I was playing with, the Swing Daddies, concluded the first set. This man seemed to genuinely enjoy the music, and I was glad he said so, except his choice words were a bit annoying: "You're the best girl sax player I ever heard."
Ok. I realize this is a compliment. Sort of. I'm glad he liked the band...and my contributions to the music. But why stick the "girl" thing in there? That's like saying, 'You're the best black basketball player I've ever seen' or 'You're the smartest Jewish guy I know.' And I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the best all-around sax player he--or anyone else--has ever heard, but what's wrong with a nice, neutral, 'I really enjoyed your playing'?
The one that most sticks out in my head was after a hip hop gig. This guy wanders over, shakes my hand and says something like, "You know, you're pretty good.... for a white guy."
To this day, I've never been able to figure out what the best response should have been. Probably not me cocking my head to one side and saying, "Umm... thanks?"
Posted by Casper at August 9, 2005 10:21 PM