August 05, 2004

50 worst guitar solos

At least this list had me laughing a few times. Some highlights:

  1. Magic Man by Heart (Soloist: Roger Fisher. Album: Dreamboat Annie. Year: 1976) -- I shouldn't even have to explain this one. God, who on the planet hasn't been subjected to this grating instrumental break? As we all know, the heavy rockin' Wilson sisters influenced a legion of equally- feminine '80s copycats: Bon Jovi, Poison, Motley Crue, etc. ...
  2. Sucker In A 3-Piece by Van Halen (Soloist: Eddie Van Halen. Album: OU812. Year: 1988) -- Sure, ol' Eddie has had his moments: he flaunts his nimble fingertips on early VH instrumentals like Cathedral and Eruption. Yet he's probably one of the worst group players in history. To anyone whose higher brain functions have developed beyond a sixth grade level, these aforementioned instrumentals must seem like empty, childish pleas for attention. Eddie is all about showy technique that elicits a lot of "Wow, dude's" from hyperactive, misguided suburban adolescents. But at least this kind of technically- obsessive masturbation was somewhat original for its time. On Sucker In A 3-Piece Eddie relies on hyperbolic whammy-bar hijinks without really "playing" much of anything. Unable to break out of the stylistic prison he locked himself in years before, he's seen here as just another aging rock virtuoso making stale rock- god gestures on yet another incredibly forgettable Van Halen album.
  3. Do You Feel Like We Do by Peter Frampton (Soloist: Peter Frampton. Album: Frampton Comes Alive. Year: 1976.) -- I think this one's pretty obvious. Is it a guitar, a voice, or a combination of the two? Whatever it is, it just won't shut up. Didn't Babe Ruth use one of these devices for his famous farewell speech at Yankee Stadium? As far as failed experimental effects go, this voice- box gadget is the biggest loser of them all.
  4. Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd (Soloist: Gary Rossington, Ed King, Allen Collins. Album: Pronounced Leh-Nerd Skin-Nerd. Year: 1973.) -- Unless you're Forrest Gump, this isn't much of a surprise. This impotent three- pronged hillbilly guitar attack is exhausting to say the least. "Well, damn, bitch! They fingers bled on that thar solo," Junior Samples says. Well, I slammed my fingers in a car door when I was seven. They bled. That wasn't too bright, and neither is the soloing on one of the most revered rock compositions in history. For a solo that's supposed to be akin to a spontaneous "backyard jam," it sounds forced and phlegmatic as hell. A couple of years before, Neil Young (Skynyrd's arch enemy) recorded the ideal blueprint for long- playing guitar sparring matches on Down By The River. The more you hear Free Bird the more evident it becomes how bereft of ideas these bloated, attitudinal hickoids really were.

Okay, I included the gratuitious Free Bird becuase I completely HATE that piece of garbage song. If I saw it walking across the street, I'd speed up.

Thanks to Shahin for the tip.

Posted by Casper at August 5, 2004 12:54 AM
Comments

whoever made this list is an idiot. The cliff burton solo is not call "anastasia ---it is called "anesthesia"

bass player unknown

Posted by: at August 5, 2004 10:43 AM

Yeah, the writer didn't get everything right. It was amusing though.

And, as a side note, me linking to the list should not be construed as an endorsement of the thoughts behind the list.

Posted by: Casper at August 5, 2004 01:00 PM