Archived Editions of Chromatic Musings

Good and bad procrasination

Some good thoughts on what it means to procrastinate:

Most people who write about procrastination write about how to cure it. But this is, strictly speaking, impossible. There are an infinite number of things you could be doing. No matter what you work on, you're not working on everything else. So the question is not how to avoid procrastination, but how to procrastinate well.

There are three variants of procrastination, depending on what you do instead of working on something: you could work on (a) nothing, (b) something less important, or (c) something more important. That last type, I'd argue, is good procrastination. ...

Errands are so effective at killing great projects that a lot of people use them for that purpose. Someone who has decided to write a novel, for example, will suddenly find that the house needs cleaning. People who fail to write novels don't do it by sitting in front of a blank page for days without writing anything. They do it by feeding the cat, going out to buy something they need for their apartment, meeting a friend for coffee, checking email. "I don't have time to work," they say. And they don't; they've made sure of that.

I know that I've had many a good song fade off into the void because I had to clean the kitchen or change the oil in my car.

Thanks to Paul for the tip.

How companies got their name

Mostlly tech companies, but there you go.

Where I come from

It's not quite like this, but it's a good laugh anyway.

Thanks to Mark for the tip.

Feelin' a bit chicken, are ya?

Looking for a quick way to break up with someone and not have to deal with that whole messy emotional thing? Here's your way out.

The 80/20 way

Everyone's heard the old saw about the 80/20 rule (also known as the Pareto principle). You know, "80% of _____ comes from 20% of the ______". Richard Koch comes up with a way to apply it to life in general.

Businesses have known for a long time that they can improve their position enormously by concentrating on the key 20 percent of activities. But why can’t people do the same? It turns out that we can. We can make our lives enormously better by doing less. The secret is not to do less of everything, but to do less of the great majority of things we do that don’t work very well for us. And to do more of the very few things that do deliver what we want.

The answer is focus. In every area of our life, we can work out the few things that are really important to us, and the few methods that give us what we want. We can divide everything around us, and everything we do, into two piles.

There is the big pile, the 80 percent pile, that takes a lot of energy but delivers pitiful results, sometimes even making things worse. That is the mass of trivia that surrounds us and normally engulfs our life. We can call this big chuck of our lives the trivial many. Then, there is the small but vital 20 percent pile, which comprises the few things that work brilliantly.

The article dips into semi-useless self help blather, but there are some nuggets of worth there. And some of those can be directly applied to music.

Take a studio situation as an example (it's fresh on my mind right about now). Rather than spending lots and lots of time (and money) chasing that elusive single note, work on getting most things right (the first 80%). Once that's done, take a second round and improve the first 80% of what you find. Repeat until you can't take it anymore.

Learning from mistakes

A good essay about learning from mistakes.

Learning from mistakes requires three things:

1. Putting yourself in situations where you can make interesting mistakes
2. Having the self-confidence to admit to them
3. Being courageous about making changes

I could have used this over the weekend.

What not to wear

A whole website dedicated to people who can't quite match their ensemble to their environment.

The cruddy awards

Who, oh who, will win the Tournament of Exs?

Thanks to Lindsey for the tip.

13 things in science that do not make sense

From New Scientist

1. The placebo effect
2. The horizon problem
3. Ultra-energetic cosmic rays
4. Homeopathy results
5. Dark matter
6. Viking's methane
7. Tetraneutrons
8. The Pioneer anomaly
9. Dark energy
10. The Kuiper cliff
11. The Wow singnal

Thanks to Rex for the tip.

A clock for people like me

I like to sleep. A lot. So much so that I can remember crawling down out of my college loft, walking across a room, hitting the snooze button and then crawling back up into the loft, all for that extra eight minutes of sleep.

This is the sort of alarm clock that I need.

Phone phun

I'm considering getting a new cell phone. I haven't decided as to whether not I'm going to transfer my old phone number over or not. In any case, I can always use PhoneSpell or PhoNETic to see if my number spells out a nifty word. I'm going to guess that 703/555-BASS is already taken...

How to edit photos

Some good tips on how to be a better editor with your own photography.

Thanks to Jason for the tip.

Running pies, keeping score

Be nice to your pizza guy. Trust me on this one, I used to run pies in college.

[The pizza guy] knows more about you than you will ever know about him. There are the tangibles: your name, your address, your phone number. And there are the countless intangibles. If he has worked in the racket for a few years--and a decade's labor on the pizza road is not so unusual--he has glimpsed the insides of thousands of homes and apartments. He has borne witness to unimaginable squalor. He has breathed in the stink from your unemptied garbage and your beige urine-soaked carpets. He has gawked at the regal excess of your Lake of the Isles mansion. He has made countless numbing visits to your bleak, ill-lit shithole apartment. He has even caught the scent of the hydroponic marijuana you furtively cultivate under grow lights in the basement.

You should know this: If you stiff the pizza man, he will hate you. There are Nazis. There are baby rapists. And there is that vast class of indifferent, callous swine who stiff the pizza man. Same shit, different name. On the other hand, if you do him up right--prompt exchange, $5 tip--the pizza man will sing your praises to his fellow drivers. If you tip him extravagantly--say, $20 or more on a large order--he will personally arrange an audience with the pope to make the case for your beatification. To the pizza man, the tip is the thing.

Ice Skating

Tonight, I tried my hand at ice skating for the first time ever. I did okay (in that I didn't fall down once. Came pretty darn close a few times, but never actually all the way fell). If you live in DC, I'd recommend it. It's on the Mall, just across from the National Archives (Constitition and 9).

Tattoos of crazy diarrhea

I'm sure you've seen some of the same things that I have seen -- a rash of people with Kanji tattoos in various places on their bodies. So, a site like this is just perfect. Tian translates the Kanji (or Hanzi, depending on the script) into what it actually does -- or does not -- say.

Thanks to Xeni for the tip.

But really, I don't want anything....

Have you ever been with someone who has uttered those fateful words, "Really, I don't want anything for Valentine's Day/my birthday/Christmas/pick-your-favorite"? Only to have them get mad when you take them at their word?

I know, this is all part of a game -- he/she dosen't really mean they don't want anything; rather, they're hoping that you'll perform a vulcan mind meld and be able to automagically determine what they actually did want, just without the whole telling you part. And I know it's supposed to be romantic that your partner will just know you that well that you'll be able to pick out the perfect gift from your soulmate connection.

I had an epiphany over the weekend. I was working at a client site when a young kid in the shop was talking about his first girlfriend. They had been dating for about eight months. The topic of conversation was what the involved people were going to do with their partners for Valentine's Day. He said, "I'm not going to do anything; my girlfriend told me that she didn't want anything for Valentine's Day."

After we all finished laughing and wiping the tears away from our faces, we explained to him the rules of the road. A suggestion was made to "go out and pick up some flowers and something small, then give it to her, saying 'I know that you said you didn't want anything, hon, but I just felt that someone like you needed a little something just for being special.' ".

I, for one, am a bit tired of this routine. A few years ago, a woman (that I was dating at the time) told me that she didn't want anything for Valentine's Day. So, as we got ready for bed that night, she turned to me and said, "So, you really didn't get me anything for Valentine's Day?"

"Actually, no. I didn't," I responded.

"Why ever not?" she asked of me, starting to get a little wound up (did I mention that we were starting to fight a lot during the preceding month?).

"Because you told me that you didn't want anything. Apparently, I was foolish enough to think that you were telling me the truth. Had I known that you were lying to me, I would have chosen a different course of action."

Things went downhill from there.

I seem to recall saying "I just assumed that the same woman who tells me that she loves me very day wasn't particularly going to lie to me. Silly f-in' me."

As a side note, we broke up about two or three months later for unrelated reasons.

So, why do we do this? And I do mean we; I know men and women who say they don't want anything when they really do. Is it some kind of attempt at demureness and modesty? What's wrong with just being honest about what you want.

Try it with me: "Honey, I love you. If you want to get me something for Valentine's Day, some flowers would be nice. Or some chocolates." Or even something like "If you want to get me something on Feb 14, that'd be swell." Heck, anything other than a balant falsehood.

"I don't want anything for Valentine's Day." Then don't be surprised when you get exactly what you ask for.

Except you, snookums. I got you flowers just for being special.

-- Update --
Lynn has some thoughts along the same lines.

And now for some complete geekiness

How to write your name in Elvish. You know, like the Lord of the Rings.

God, I'm a nerd.

Yet another reason to be proud of Virginia

Clearly, all other crime has been beaten, so what's left to work on other than banning low-rise jeans.

Thanks to Warren for the tip.

Ethnic restaurants in DC

A list for all things ethnic in DC (at least, when it comes to food). Lots of good places on here: some that I've been to quite a few times, others that I've heard of, still more that I'd like to explore.

I am officially old

I saw this article asking if you would let your daughter wear this dress, and my immediate answer was "Not a chance." I think when I was in high school my answer would have been "Oh, yeah, she can wear anything she wants."

Yep, getting old now. Dammit.

Thanks (I think) to Max for reminding me of my impending mortality. Oh, and that whole tip thing, too.

This can't be real

This video clip shows a group of men throwing a woman up in the air, she does a flip and then comes down through a basketball goal.

Someone please tell me what the trick is, because this just ain't possible.

Thanks to Jason for the tip.

Some odd architecture

Complete with pictures and other details, this site lists some of the stranger buildings in the US.

Thanks to Ionita for the tip.

50 ways to make yourself work

While the list applies to writing prose, I'm sure that it will carry over quite nicely to other subjects.

• Lighten up on yourself. Give yourself the freedom to write when the urge strikes, and not write when you don't feel like it. That's one of the attractive things about the popular conception of the writing life, right? So enjoy it!
• Hide your wristwatch in a drawer. (Meaning: reduce your dependence on the clock. Let your inner circadian rhythms tell you when it's time to write and when it's not.)
• Carry a note pad or tape recorder with you wherever you go. Use it to record ideas as well as the actual text of stories. Make it your external memory. The idea here is to keep yourself focused on writing no matter what else you're doing.
• Don't think; just write. Keep the writing and editing processes separate. Don't worry about clumsy bits; you can fix those later. If you're writing on paper, intentionally cross out a few lines and re-write them so you won't have to worry anymore about messing up the page.

Save money on Sprint cell bills

This may or may not be all that ethical, but apparently you can get $20 off your monthly bill at Sprint every month. Feel free to try it and let me know how it goes for you...

History of Western Philosophy -- abridged

Actually, for the most part, the guy gets it right. Classics of Western Philosophy (Plato, Aristotle, Descartes, Spinoza, Darwin, Turing, et al), all in what amounts to Cliff Notes versions.

Tall or Not

In a further attempt to account for useless trivia, here's a handy-dandy way to compare your height to that of various famous people. Complete with a graphic, too.

Gym rules

Some good rules of thumb for those thinking of going to the gym.

For the guys:

1. Stop oogling the girls
2. Stop oogling the girls
3. Stop oogling the girls
10. Unless your name is Lee Haney, Arnold Schwarzenegger or Joe Weider, don't give unsolicited lifting advice
14. Wear a @(#*$% shirt, you (*@$% prima donna
15. To clarify: Shirts consist of a torso and sleeves.

1. Quit Encoraging The Boys.
2. No Makeup

1. Stop comparing yourself to everyone in the building.
3. Don't spit in the water fountain
7. Be curteous with "working in"
11. Don't sing along with your walkman.
13. If you take it out put it away.

There are more (natch). Amusing sometimes, but generally good advice.

Why I don't drink much. Anymore.

For some god awful reason, people seem to think, "Hey! He's drunk. Screw with him."

Thanks to Mark for the tip.

Nutso warning labels

An award given to the strange warning labels.

• First prize (worth $500) goes to the label saying on the toliet brush: "Do not use for personal hygiene."
• Second prize ($300) was for "This product moves when used" found, of course, on a child's scooter.
• Not be outdone by anyone other than the first two, third place ($100) goes to the warning label on the thermometer: "Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally." Unless you're into that sort of thing, I suppose.

Thanks to Warren for the tip.

Oh, you've gotta see this

These are some of the best outdoor photos I've seen in a long time.

Thanks to Neil for the tip.

Christmas thoughts

So, it's been a long Christmas day at my folk's place. While I got some gifts (a JamStation, a gift certificate and a DVD), the best gift I got was to spend time with my family.

My folks live about six hours away from me. Too far to drive more than once or twice a year, and in too remote a place for flying to be any better. Almost all of my extended family is in the same area (fifteen aunts and uncles, or so -- both parents grew up on farms). In a nutshell, while I'm rather close with my family, the distance doesn't help.

So, here's to hoping that everyone had an enjoyable, safe and fun holiday weekend.

Da Vinci Code lawsuit

Lately, it seems like just about everyone has read The DaVinci Code. I suppose it's the with-it, aren't-I-so-cultured book de jure, chock full of art history and architecture. Well, it seems that Mr. Brown may not have written it all himself.

...[T]here are clear links between Holy Blood, Holy Grail and The Da Vinci Code, even though the latter is a novel and the former a non-fiction study of secret religious history.

It also appears the identities of Baigent and his two co-authors have provided Brown with material for his characters.

Sir Leigh Teabing is a central character in The Da Vinci Code, but that name combines Richard Leigh's surname and an anagram of Baigent, and Sir Leigh's physical description is said to be similar to The Holy Blood's third co-author, Henry Lincoln.

Thanks to David for the tip.

A piercing too far

This just hurts to look at. I have a few piercings myself, but this guy just takes the cake.

Thanks to Max for the tip.

A D&D Geek calendar

How to make a twelve sided calendar.

Cube farm pranks

Go away for a vacation, things may happen.

Thanks to Lynn for the tip.

Antidisestablishmentarianism no more!

I used to think that anti-dis was the longest word in the English language. I was wrong. 310 letters wrong, to be exact.

Some driving tips for DC

• Rain causes an immediate 50 point drop of IQ in drivers. Snow causes an immediate 100 point drop in IQ and a rush to the local supermarket for toilet paper, bread and milk. IF it might snow, schools will be closed. If it is already snowing then the bus will pick up the children and they will immediately CLOSE the schools after 8 inches of snow has fallen. All parents must leave work upon arrival to pick up their children.
• The morning rush hour is from 5 to 11 AM. The evening rush hour is from 1 to 8 PM. The lunch rush is from 11 AM to 1 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning, especially during the summer on Route 50 eastbound.
• Traveling south out of DC on Interstate 395/95 is the most dangerous, scariest thing you will ever do. There is nothing more frightening than seven lanes of traffic cruising along at 75 mph, BUMPER TO BUMPER. It's not speeding, it's NASCAR time, let's DRAFT!!!
• Of course you could take the subway, known locally as The Metro. Remember that either the Orange or Red line will be shut down or single tracked due to an accident. Unless both are shut down or single tracked. This is most likely to happen during rush hour. The escalators rarely work, the elevators even more rarely. However, the trains are very clean, kept that way by highly motivated police who will not hesitate to arrest a 12 year old for eating a french fry.

Wiredog offers quite a few insights.

The Best Photos of 2004

Kind of hard to argue with some of these.

Thanks to Lynn for the tip.

Too much time on their hands

A dissection of whether or not Superman could have children.

Granted that the poor oaf is not entirely sane. How could he be? He is an orphan, a refugee, and an alien. His homeland no longer exists in any form, save for gigatons upon gigatons of dangerous, prettily colored rocks.

As a child and young adult, Kal-El must have been hard put to find an adequate father-figure. What human could control his antisocial behavior? What human would dare try to punish him? His actual, highly social behavior during this period indicates an inhuman self-restraint.

What wonder if Superman drifted gradually into schizophrenia? Torn between his human and kryptonian identities, he chose to be both, keeping his split personalities rigidly separate. A psychotic desperation is evident in his defense of his "secret identity."

But Superman's sex problems are strictly physiological, and quite real.

The purpose of this article is to point out some medical drawbacks to being a kryptonian among human beings, and to suggest possible solutions. The kryptonian humanoid must not be allowed to go the way of the pterodactyl and the passenger pigeon.

I don't know why this kind of obsessive behaviour still amazes me. I mean, Klingon is taught as a language in some schools. I just wonder what actual good -- something that might even benefit our fellow man -- is going undone because of these efforts.

It's an easy call

Go Vote tomorrow. Vote for Bush, Kerry, Mickey Mouse, whomever speaks to you and shares your values and ideals, but have your voice be heard.

If you need more info (on voting), check out JustVote or MyPollingPlace for more details. If you need more info on the candidates, check around for what you're looking for, it's surely on the Internets.

Geeky hobbies

A list of ten.

9. Role Playing Games
Public Humiliation: 63.4%
Dungeons and Dragons combines the nerdiness of a fantasy setting with the fruitiness of improvisational theatre, and as if that weren't enough for them to deal with, the rest of us think these people are going to go crazy and kill us. It's really hard for society to do more to tell you that if you play this game, you're on your own.
Damage to Sex Life: 78.0%
We weren't exactly sure on this figure, since a 78% means that there's still a 22% chance of a woman walking by role players and one of them saying, "A minotaur? Here in the Dungeon of Kajmar!? Very well, I swing my axe of axing at th- why hello there, pretty lady. My name's Twinkleberry, The Spritish Pegasus. Why, as a matter of fact I AM single."

Distinguishing Characteristics: An RPGeek either wears a black heavy metal shirt or, in tragic attempts at stylishness, a button-up shirt with a wrap-around dragon and flames.

The world's largest book

133 pounds, 5 feet tall and 7 feet wide, the book is Bhutan: A Visual Odyssey Across the Last Himalayan Kingdom.

Bike trails in DC

A website listing bike trails in DC.

Well, duh

Angelina Jolie named sexist woman alive.

Early to rise...

In order to make it to Bass Player Live on time, I got up at 7am. Strangely, I was awake before the hotel staff was. Homestead Inn near the Meadowlands -- $79/night, no frills.

When I got to Manhattan, the hotel informed me that they would park my car for a mere $37.50. I opted to park down the street for $15.00. I lived in NYC, I don't know if I would own a car.

Initially, I left my Fodera in my car (I didn't want to be carrying a hard shell case around with me all day), but then my paranoia started to get to me. What if someone breaks into my car? If someone stole my laptop, or my CD player, I'd be pissed, but no big deal. If someone stole my Fodera, I'd have to use a rusty butter knife on them to get my vengence.

While I was talking with a few people, I ran into Vinnie Fodera. He was gracious enough to offer to keep my guitar at his booth during the day. Another problems solved.

A web-enabled breakup letter

Following on the heels of the powerpoint breakup, here's the web-enabled version.

T-Shirts from Real Genius

You too can have your very own t-shirts from the flick Real Genius.

Thanks to Cory for the tip.

How to identify BS science

Seven signs that point towards a steaming pile of crappola:

1. The discoverer pitches directly to the media
2. The discoverer says that a powerful establishment is trying to suppress his or her work.
3. The scientific effect involved is always at the very limit of detection.
4. Evidence for a discovery is anecdotal.
5. The discoverer says a belief is credible because it has endured for centuries.
6. The discoverer has worked in isolation.
7. The discoverer must propose new laws of nature to explain an observation.

A new twist to dating

You've heard of a wingman, right? You know, the guy who goes after the not-so-hot girl so you can make a play for the hot one? Now there's wingwomen, ladies who'll hang around you so you'll seem more attractive other women.

In the game of meeting women, it is understood that in most cases, it's the man who does all the work. Unfortunately, women have not made it any easier for men to approach them. As a result, men have learned to work together in order to increase their success rate. The solution to the male dilemma is the "Wing Man" pickup strategy, which usually has some level of success. But some women have learned to recognize the "pack" mentality and have developed reactive strategies to counteract the wingman's pickup mission. The guy's response to such female defenses is the Wingwoman. Its an amazing union that if properly applied has a 65% conversion rate. Surprised? Well you shouldn't be, and here's why the wingwoman approach is so effective:

• Domino Affect -- Women are attracted to men who have women around them more so then men who have other men around them.
• Limited Resources -- Women want what they can't have.
• Let The Games Begin -- Women are very jealous and love to compete with one another.
• Icebreakers -- Women tend to lower their defenses around men who have other women around them. Most women tend to see these men as having a seal of approval and being less hostile.

Seems a little scummy to me.

Some thoughts on car shopping

I've been spending the last few weekends shopping for a new car -- my frickin' new rig is too big for my current car (at least, if I also want to take a cabinet with me). Rev Bob has some tips on the kind of conversations owners of certain cars have:

Camaro/Firebird Forum -- "My girl slept with my brother and my wife. How can I kill 'em? btw, I have a record and I ain’t going back."

Miata Forum -- "Some redneck jackass in a Chevy Tahoe just ran over my car (pics)"

Chevy Tahoe Forum -- "Miata stuck in my undercarriage. How do I safely remove it? (pics)"

Chevy Suburban Forum -- "Is the price of gas going down anytime soon?"

Hummer Forum -- "Had a fender bender today. 24 hurt, 10 killed. Do I have to get the black touch-up paint from the dealer? He’s 25 miles away. That’s $35 in gas."

A contest I might be able to win

I probably won't enter, though. Me being in a contest for the biggest dork in DC would just end up being no contest....

Thanks to Rob for the tip.

Neato magic trick

A card trick.

Thanks to David for the tip.

A little hard on the self-esteem

Find out what some famous people accomplished when they were your age. And here I was, feeling all happy about getting out of bed this morning with only hitting the snooze alarm twice.

A house like none other

I don't have any info on this, just the photo.

-- Update --
I've been informed that domain name hosting this photo is, well, pornographic. If you don't know German, then look it up for yourself, or trust me on this one. The photo itself isn't going to get anyone in trouble, but either the domain name or anything else you might happen to find on the server might. So, on the safe side, probably Not Safe For Work.

Brutal Personals

Have you ever read online personals? You'd think that most of the people are near perfect, with sparkling wit and verve. I've been on a few dates with people met online; sometimes things work out well, other times, I'd be happy to talk fraud charges with someone over what small, um, details were left out. The good folk over at Esquire magazine have started to host what they refer to as brutally honest personals.

Here's a sample:

Paul W. -- Age: 34, Height: 6'2", Last relationship: Never, Seeking: A good-looking, intelligent woman who can overlook my physical shortcomings and teach me about love. Please hurry. I'm a 34-year-old university librarian with straight dark hair and dark-brown eyes. ...I don't drink, I don't smoke, and I'm not very good at parties; the larger the gathering, the more uncomfortable I become. I try to be witty and charming, but most of the time I'm very esoteric and hard to understand. Also, I'm a bit of a geek. I watch the X-Files religiously and, well, need I mention my comic book collection?

Good luck to you, Paul. At the very minimum, if you were to date someone from this site, you're probably not going to be let down with some skeleton in a closet.

Arguments

A website dedicated to nothing but Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About. Full of dry British humor. Don't miss such gems as

• I eat two-fingered Kit-Kats like I'd eat any other chocolate bars of that size, i.e., without feeling the need to snap them into two individual fingers first. Margret accused me of doing this, 'deliberately to annoy her'.
• Which way - the distances were identical - to drive round a circular bypass (this resulted in her kicking me in the head from the back seat as I drove along).
• She wants to paint the living room yellow. I have not the words.
• See if you can spot the difference between these two statements:
  1. "Those trousers make your backside look fat."
  2. "You're a repellently obese old hag upon whom I am compelled to heap insults and derision - depressingly far removed from the, 'stupid, squeaky, pocket-sized English women,' who make up my vast catalogue of former lovers and to whom I might as well return right now as I hate everything about you."
  Maybe the acoustics were really bad in the dining room, or something.
• Arguments. There are many arguments we have over arguments. 'Who started argument x', for example, is a old favourite that has not had its vigour dimmed by age nor its edge blunted through use. Another dependable companion is, 'I'm not arguing, I'm just talking - you're arguing,' along with its more stage-struck (in the sense that it relishes an audience - parties, visiting relatives, Parent's Evenings at school, in shops, etc.) sibling, 'Right, so we're going to get into this argument here are we?'
• .... It's that, as the exchanges switched backwards and forwards between us, there was a kind of bidding war going on with the pitch. It's not just that each one of us upped the volume a little for our turn, but that we also changed the tone by raising our voices so that our reply was about a fifth higher than the one that the other person had just used. It was like two Mariah Careys facing off - pretty quickly, we were having an argument that only dogs could hear.

This page seems to be sufficiently popular that it's also a book.

The Illuminati! Trilogy, online

The Illuminatus! Trilogy is a bona fide cult classic, written in the early 80's, it's full of, well, just about everything you'd ever think could be in a book. Now, it's online.

Breaking up via Powerpoint

A first for me; some guy end his relationship with his girlfriend using a PowerPoint presentation. As I've said before, I really detest PowerPoint.

Easy college courses

Everyone who's been through college knows about these, right? Mine was a course on running (as a member of the distance team, this wasn't a huge challenge for me, other than waking up on time). Someone has written an article on the subject.

Thanks to Max for the tip.

For those who have everything

You can get M&Ms custom printed with your own message. That'd have to be a pretty darn small message.

Ahoy mateys!

Today be Talk Like A Pirate Day!

Forgive the politics

But here's one of my rare political statements. Take the time to vote this year. If you don't like Bush or Kerry, check out one of the third party candidates.

All things considered, the US is a pretty good country. We don't have a draft, we don't have a hugely intrusive government (with exceptions here and there), all we have to do is spend some time voting once a year or so.

Find the time.

We now return to our regularly scheduled music related drivel.

Creativity like a snowflake

The article is focused on how to write a novel, but the principles quickly apply to music as well.

Step 1) Take an hour and write a one-sentence summary of your story. Something like this: "A rogue physicist travels back in time to kill the apostle Paul." (This is the summary for my first novel, Transgression.) The sentence will serve you forever as a ten-second selling tool. This is the big picture, the analog of that big starting triangle in the snowflake picture.

When you later write your book proposal, this sentence should appear very early in the proposal. It's the hook that will sell your book to your editor, to your committee, to the sales force, to bookstore owners, and ultimately to readers. So make the best one you can!

Think about this. If you are trying to get the attention of a A&R guy (or lawyer, or other music industry person), you're going to have to figure out some way to get this person's attention very quickly, standing out from the crowd in such a way that he or she would be sufficiently interested in the sales pitch to take the time to listen to the music. If you can put it into one sentence, you're halfway there.

The music industry works this way -- consider the movie pitch. A writer has about fifteen seconds to get an idea across to the producer. The one that comes to mind is the pitch for When Harry Met Sally. NPR did a story on movie pitches, and the entire selling sentence for the movie was "Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks fall in love." With that single sentence, the film was greenlighted. So, what's your single sentence for your band?

25 Tips on How To Be Creative

This is a very good list, thought provoking and a good jumping off point.

1. Ignore everybody.
2. The idea doesn't have to be big. It just has to change the world.
3. Put the hours in.
4. If your biz plan depends on you suddenly being "discovered" by some big shot, your plan will probably fail.
5. You are responsible for your own experience.
6. Everyone is born creative; everyone is given a box of crayons in kindergarten.
7. Keep your day job.
8. Companies that squelch creativity can no longer compete with companies that champion creativity.
9. Everybody has their own private Mount Everest they were put on this earth to climb.
10. The more talented somebody is, the less they need the props.
11. Don't try to stand out from the crowd; avoid crowds altogether.
12. If you accept the pain, it cannot hurt you.
13. Never compare your inside with somebody else's outside.
14. Dying young is overrated.
15. The most important thing a creative person can learn professionally is where to draw the red line that separates what you are willing to do, and what you are not.
16. The world is changing.
17. Merit can be bought. Passion can't.
18. Avoid the Watercooler Gang.
19. Sing in your own voice.
20. The choice of media is irrelevant.
21. Selling out is harder than it looks.
22. Nobody cares. Do it for yourself.
23. Worrying about "Commercial vs. Artistic" is a complete waste of time.
24. Don’t worry about finding inspiration. It comes eventually.
25. You have to find your own schtick.

One heart attack to go, hold the mayo

The world's biggest hamburger -- all SIX Pounds(!!) of it -- can be yours for the taking. Only $23.95, and if you finish it within three hours, you get a prize.

For the record, no one has ever finished one of these.

Diaries are sick

It seems that keeping a diary may make you sicker.

Keeping a diary is bad for your health, say UK psychologists. They found that regular diarists were more likely than non-diarists to suffer from headaches, sleeplessness, digestive problems and social awkwardness.

Well, I can vouch for the awkwardness part, although I was pretty darn awkward even before I started doing this.

A girl's guide to geek guys

I'd almost say that this is overkill -- if you've ever been a woman at a computer show, you'd probably find out that geeks might not be the hardest of fishes to land.

The home of useless knowledge

All the info you ever wanted but were afraid to ask.

Okay, a little politics...

Normally, I shy away from politics, but this is one cause I can firmly support. Of course, the idea of me withholding sex from non-voters would seemingly imply that I have the opportunity to withhold sex....

Thanks to Lindsay for the tip.

Strange things from Japan

As you may have noticed, bizzarre stuff from Japan interests me. Tokyo Damage Report is a bonanza of weirdness (like this, this or this), written by a gaijin living in the land of the rising sun.

Where in the world is....

Try your hand at the Geography Olympics -- I never made it above 60%.

This is just wrong

Guy goes in to his roommate's room. Guy finds cardboard box. Guy opens box. Results very funny and not safe for work.

Eric emotes

Some guy named Eric has a website where you can ask him to portray an emotion. Some of them are quite amusing (getting mugged, a deer in headlights, a chick magnet).

A little bit better than an Imaginary Girlfriend

Okay, it's a step up from this, but only a very tiny step.

...There is a downside to the virtual girlfriend - she will require more flowers and gifts than many real women. Artificial Life is hoping to launch the new game later this year, on the latest 3-G mobile phones. All virtual girls will look the same - but each girl will behave differently - depending on how much money is spent on her. On top of a general subscription, men will be charged a fee to buy flowers and gifts for the virtual girlfriend. In return, she will introduce them to different aspects of her life, like letting them meet her female friends - also electronic images.

Not surprisingly, this is coming out of Japan. I like Xeni's pithy take on it:

[It's] kind of like a tamagotchi with tits. There is a direct correlation between her level of romantic activity output and the amount of money you spend on her. Actually, my people have a word for this sort of creature: ho.

Help out The Book Thing

The Book Thing, a Baltimore based charity which gives away free books to people all over the world, is about to lose their current home. Anyone who knows of somewhere to which they could relocate should contact them with the info.

Geeks take over...

This has to be a first. Bloodrayne, a vampire character in the computer game of the same name, will appear "naked" in the October issue of Playboy.

::shakes head::

Thanks to Earnest for the tip.

Map of DC Mall (and some other places)

Whoever did this clearly sunk a lot of time into playing Civilization.

I'm sure you've seen this already....

but if you haven't, check out the back and forth going over at ESPN (for some reason). It's touches tangentially on sports, but it's mostly just amusing pop culture chat.

It's aimed at teens

but the bottom of the page has a good list of opening lines to never use.

An Aikido blog

When I was in college, I studied Aikido for a while. While looking around, I found a blog dedicated to the art.

A slightly different card game

It's called 1000 Blank White Cards. All hail Eris.

The real Alien vs Predator score

What most bothers me about this is listing the Alien as the winner on electric bass. Come on, I don't think he has the groove in his soul.

Thanks to Max for the tip.

Date ideas

A compendium of ideas for dates. Some of these are rather cheesy, but some might work with the right person.

Mousetrap, for real

Remember the board game Mousetrap? They're doing it for real in San Francisco. The marble becomes a bowling ball, the trap a huge crane and so on.

Some tips for writers

I know that I make a lot of these mistakes myself. Hopefully, these pointers will help me and others.

1. Repeats
2. Flat Writing
3. Empty Adverbs
4. Phony Dialogue
5. No-Good Suffixes
6. "To Be" Words
7. Lists
8. Show, Don't Tell
9. Awkward Phrasing
10. Commas

I know that I have a penchant for parenthetically speaking as well as probably using way too many commas when I write.

Sugarloaf Mountain

Today was a gorgeous day in DC. So, rather than stay inside and type for a few hours to catch up on posts, I went hiking. Sue me.

I promise lots o' posts tomorrow.

How to speak Brit

I used to work with a few Brits a while back, and this might have come in handy once or twice. I can't remember who said it, but there's a quote that goes something like "The US and UK are two countries separated by a common language."

So, here's a translation guide. I suspect that this one is like some of the slang dictionaries I remember looking at when I was working as a DJ ("How to speak hip-hop"), which usually ended up being useful for getting a good chuckle as opposed to having any good info. If any good person from the UK who reads this site wants to let me know their take on it (Simon? Geoff? Lindsey?), I'd appreciate it.

I've been rendered obsolete

Not that I was all in demand anyway.

Another cool visual illusion

Check it out.

Thanks to Rev. Bob for the tip.

Cell phones to escape bad dates

Ever been on a bad date? Sheesh, I know I have. I can remember one date I went on where things were going pretty good until she laughed. A Janice laugh (if you remember Friends). My god, I wanted to crawl away from the table and deny having any knowledge of her.

If only I had known about ways to get out of bad dates.

Thanks to Xeni for the tip.

A list of overused sci-fi cliches

You seen way too many of these yourself, and you know it.

One view of children

An online comic from Neil Gaiman.

Interesting online comic

A comic strip about a guy trapped in a phone booth.

It's about a boy who wakes up in a telephone booth which has been mysteriously selaed in an envelope of concrete. Using only the contents of his pockets (two pens, a paperback novel, three coins and 20 ft of unwaxed dental floss) our hero must fashion and execute an escape plan before he runs out of oxygen.

Japanese T-shirts

I think I want one or two of these. Maybe the "American Devil" one.

Thanks to David for the tip.

People are strange

Hanging themselves from meat hooks to "enjoy the afternoon"?

I'm both disturbed and little ashamed

What does it say about me that I fit into several boxes on the Geek Hierarchy and the Japan Hierarchy? Probably nothing good, that's what....

Bikers are not wimps

As a sometime biker, I get some strange looks from people as I zip by, lycra-ed up and trying to get a decent workout in. And, from my youth, I know that there are those who consider bikers to be wimps, not fit for a "man's sport" like football. Oh, really?

Top 10 dumb moments in Sci-Fi film

Here's yet another list.

Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder

A liquor long a standard of impressionists is back.

Thanks to David for the tip.

Some San Fran destinations

Why mauve but not taupe

An interesting article on how color choices are made in fashion (and other industries).

Thanks to Cory for the tip.

The Disney killing machine

A webpage dedicated to all the poor souls who ushered into the great beyond at the theme park from the ride.

Thanks to Cory for the tip.

Okay, this is pretty cool

Some guy has built a roller coaster in his backyard. Yeah, it's small, but still...

Thanks to David for the tip.

Now this is a bad day

Man in the UK gets five years in jail after shooting himself in the groin with a sawed off shotgun. That there was alcohol involoved shouldn't surprise anyone.

Thanks to Andrew for the tip.

Not just American crass materialism

The view of the sights in Italy may not be so clear anymore.

There's a lovely 16th Century church at the top of the Spanish Steps--Rome's premier gathering spot for tourists--but if you're visiting Rome this summer you won't be able to see it.

That's because it's been draped in a giant advertisement for L'Oreal beauty products, the latest in a series of controversial advertisements that obscure the ancient city's monuments.

Thanks to Jeff for the tip.

To encourage more reading

In response to the lowered rates of reading, and with the tip from Fionnaigh, here's a big ol' list of books.

The rules are: steal it, post it on your site, bold the books you've read and add three of your own. I'm also going to comment as I go... Click more for the list.

-- Update --
Here's a list of books that other bloggers are reading.

1. The Lord of the Rings, JRR Tolkien
2. Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen
3. His Dark Materials, Philip Pullman
4. The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
5. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, JK Rowling
6. To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee
7. Winnie the Pooh, AA Milne
8. 1984, George Orwell
9. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, CS Lewis
10. Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte
11. Catch-22, Joseph Heller
12. Wuthering Heights, Emily Bronte
13. Birdsong, Sebastian Faulks
14. Rebecca, Daphne du Maurier
15. The Catcher in the Rye, JD Salinger
16. The Wind in the Willows, Kenneth Grahame
17. Great Expectations, Charles Dickens
18. Little Women, Louisa May Alcott
19. Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Louis de Bernieres
20. War and Peace, Leo Tolstoy
21. Gone with the Wind, Margaret Mitchell
22. Harry Potter And The Sorcerer's Stone, JK Rowling
23. Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets, JK Rowling
24. Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, JK Rowling
25. The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien
26. Tess Of The D'Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy
27. Middlemarch, George Eliot
28. A Prayer For Owen Meany, John Irving
29. The Grapes Of Wrath, John Steinbeck
30. Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
31. The Story Of Tracy Beaker, Jacqueline Wilson
32. One Hundred Years Of Solitude, Gabriel Garcia Marquez
33. The Pillars Of The Earth, Ken Follett
34. David Copperfield, Charles Dickens
35. Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl
36. Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson
37. A Town Like Alice, Nevil Shute
38. Persuasion, Jane Austen
39. Dune, Frank Herbert
40. Emma, Jane Austen
41. Anne Of Green Gables, LM Montgomery
42. Watership Down, Richard Adams
43. The Great Gatsby, F Scott Fitzgerald
44. The Count Of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas
45. Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh
46. Animal Farm, George Orwell
47. A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens
48. Far From The Madding Crowd, Thomas Hardy
49. Goodnight Mister Tom, Michelle Magorian
50. The Shell Seekers, Rosamunde Pilcher
51. The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett
52. Of Mice And Men, John Steinbeck
53. The Stand, Stephen King
54. Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy
55. A Suitable Boy, Vikram Seth
56. The BFG, Roald Dahl
57. Swallows And Amazons, Arthur Ransome
58. Black Beauty, Anna Sewell
59. Artemis Fowl, Eoin Colfer
60. Crime And Punishment, Fyodor Dostoyevsky
61. Noughts And Crosses, Malorie Blackman
62. Memoirs Of A Geisha, Arthur Golden
63. A Tale Of Two Cities, Charles Dickens
64. The Thorn Birds, Colleen McCollough
65. Mort, Terry Pratchett
66. The Magic Faraway Tree, Enid Blyton
67. The Magus, John Fowles
68. Good Omens, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
69. Guards! Guards!, Terry Pratchett
70. Lord Of The Flies, William Golding
71. Perfume, Patrick Susskind
72. The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists, Robert Tressell
73. Night Watch, Terry Pratchett
74. Matilda, Roald Dahl
75. Bridget Jones' Diary, Helen Fielding
76. The Secret History, Donna Tartt
77. The Woman In White, Wilkie Collins
78. Ulysses, James Joyce
79. Bleak House, Charles Dickens
80. Double Act, Jacqueline Wilson
81. The Twits, Roald Dahl
82. I Capture The Castle, Dodie Smith
83. Holes, Louis Sachar
84. Gormenghast, Mervyn Peake
85. The God Of Small Things, Arundhati Roy
86. Vicky Angel, Jacqueline Wilson
87. Brave New World, Aldous Huxley
88. Cold Comfort Farm, Stella Gibbons
89. Magician, Raymond E Feist
90. On The Road, Jack Kerouac
91. The Godfather, Mario Puzo
92. The Clan Of The Cave Bear, Jean M Auel
93. The Colour Of Magic, Terry Pratchett
94. The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho
95. Katherine, Anya Seton
96. Kane And Abel, Jeffrey Archer
97. Love In The Time Of Cholera, Gabriel Garcia Marquez
98. Girls In Love, Jacqueline Wilson
99. The Princess Diaries, Meg Cabot
100. Midnight's Children, Salman Rushdie
101. Three Men In A Boat, Jerome K. Jerome
102. Small Gods, Terry Pratchett
103. The Beach, Alex Garland
104. Dracula, Bram Stoker
105. Point Blanc, Anthony Horowitz
106. The Pickwick Papers, Charles Dickens
107. Stormbreaker, Anthony Horowitz
108. The Wasp Factory, Iain Banks
109. The Day Of The Jackal, Frederick Forsyth
110. The Illustrated Mum, Jacqueline Wilson
111. Jude The Obscure, Thomas Hardy
112. The Secret Diary Of Adrian Mole Aged 13 1/2, Sue Townsend
113. The Cruel Sea, Nicholas Monsarrat
114. Les Miserables, Victor Hugo
115. The Mayor Of Casterbridge, Thomas Hardy
116. The Dare Game, Jacqueline Wilson
117. Bad Girls, Jacqueline Wilson
118. The Picture Of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde
119. Shogun, James Clavell
120. The Day Of The Triffids, John Wyndham
121. Lola Rose, Jacqueline Wilson
122. Vanity Fair, William Makepeace Thackeray
123. The Forsyte Saga, John Galsworthy
124. House Of Leaves, Mark Z. Danielewski
125. The Poisonwood Bible, Barbara Kingsolver
126. Reaper Man, Terry Pratchett
127. Angus, Thongs And Full-Frontal Snogging, Louise Rennison
128. The Hound Of The Baskervilles, Arthur Conan Doyle
129. Possession, A. S. Byatt
130. The Master And Margarita, Mikhail Bulgakov
131. The Handmaid's Tale, Margaret Atwood
132. Danny The Champion Of The World, Roald Dahl
133. East Of Eden, John Steinbeck
134. George's Marvellous Medicine, Roald Dahl
135. Wyrd Sisters, Terry Pratchett
136. The Color Purple, Alice Walker
137. Hogfather, Terry Pratchett
138. The Thirty-Nine Steps, John Buchan
139. Girls In Tears, Jacqueline Wilson
140. Sleepovers, Jacqueline Wilson
141. All Quiet On The Western Front, Erich Maria Remarque
142. Behind The Scenes At The Museum, Kate Atkinson
143. High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
144. It, Stephen King
145. James And The Giant Peach, Roald Dahl
146. The Green Mile, Stephen King
147. Papillon, Henri Charriere
148. Men At Arms, Terry Pratchett
149. Master And Commander, Patrick OBrian
150. Skeleton Key, Anthony Horowitz
151. Soul Music, Terry Pratchett
152. Thief Of Time, Terry Pratchett
153. The Fifth Elephant, Terry Pratchett
154. Atonement, Ian McEwan
155. Secrets, Jacqueline Wilson
156. The Silver Sword, Ian Serraillier
157. One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, Ken Kesey
158. Heart Of Darkness, Joseph Conrad
159. Kim, Rudyard Kipling
160. Cross Stitch, Diana Gabaldon
161. Moby Dick, Herman Melville
162. River God, Wilbur Smith
163. Sunset Song, Lewis Grassic Gibbon
164. The Shipping News, Annie Proulx
165. The World According To Garp, John Irving
166. Lorna Doone, R. D. Blackmore
167. Girls Out Late, Jacqueline Wilson
168. The Far Pavilions, M. M. Kaye
169. The Witches, Roald Dahl
170. Charlotte's Web, E. B. White
171. Frankenstein, Mary Shelley
172. They Used To Play On Grass, Terry Venables and Gordon Williams
173. The Old Man And The Sea, Ernest Hemingway
174. The Name Of The Rose, Umberto Eco
175. Sophie's World, Jostein Gaarder
176. Dustbin Baby, Jacqueline Wilson
177. Fantastic Mr. Fox, Roald Dahl
178. Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov
179. Jonathan Livingstone Seagull, Richard Bach
180. The Little Prince, Antoine De Saint-Exupery
181. The Suitcase Kid, Jacqueline Wilson
182. Oliver Twist, Charles Dickens
183. The Power Of One, Bryce Courtenay
184. Silas Marner, George Eliot
185. American Psycho, Bret Easton Ellis
186. The Diary Of A Nobody, George and Weedon Gross-mith
187. Trainspotting, Irvine Welsh
188. Goosebumps, R. L. Stine
189. Heidi, Johanna Spyri
190. Sons And Lovers, D. H. Lawrence
191. The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera
192. Man And Boy, Tony Parsons
193. The Truth, Terry Pratchett
194. The War Of The Worlds, H. G. Wells
195. The Horse Whisperer, Nicholas Evans
196. A Fine Balance, Rohinton Mistry
197. Witches Abroad, Terry Pratchett
198. The Once And Future King, T. H. White
199. The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Eric Carle
200. Flowers In The Attic, Virginia Andrews
201. The Silmarillion, J.R.R. Tolkien
202. The Eye of the World, Robert Jordan
203. The Great Hunt, Robert Jordan
204. The Dragon Reborn, Robert Jordan
205. Fires of Heaven, Robert Jordan
206. Lord of Chaos, Robert Jordan
207. Winters Heart, Robert Jordan
208. A Crown of Swords, Robert Jordan
209. Crossroads of Twilight, Robert Jordan
210. A Path of Daggers, Robert Jordan
211. As Nature Made Him, John Colapinto
212. Microserfs, Douglas Coupland
213. The Married Man, Edmund White
214. Winter's Tale, Mark Helprin
215. The History of Sexuality, Michel Foucault
216. Cry to Heaven, Anne Rice
217. Same-Sex Unions in Premodern Europe, John Boswell
218. Equus, Peter Shaffer
219. The Man Who Ate Everything, Jeffrey Steingarten
220. Letters To A Young Poet, Rainer Maria Rilke
221. Ella Minnow Pea, Mark Dunn
222. The Vampire Lestat, Anne Rice
223. Anthem, Ayn Rand
224. The Bridge To Terabithia, Katherine Paterson
225. Tartuffe, Moliere
226. The Metamorphosis, Franz Kafka
227. The Crucible, Arthur Miller
228. The Trial, Franz Kafka
229. Oedipus Rex, Sophocles
230. Oedipus at Colonus, Sophocles
231. Death Be Not Proud, John Gunther
232. A Doll's House, Henrik Ibsen
233. Hedda Gabler, Henrik Ibsen
234. Ethan Frome, Edith Wharton
235. A Raisin In The Sun, Lorraine Hansberry
236. ALIVE!, Piers Paul Read
237. Grapefruit, Yoko Ono
238. Trickster Makes This World, Lewis Hyde
239. The Mists of Avalon, Marion Zimmer Bradley
240. Chronicles of Thomas Convenant, Unbeliever, Stephen Donaldson
241. Lord of Light, Roger Zelazny
242. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, Michael Chabon
243. Summerland, Michael Chabon
244. A Confederacy of Dunces, John Kennedy Toole
245. Candide, Voltaire
246. The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar and Six More, Roald Dahl
247. Ringworld, Larry Niven
248. The King Must Die, Mary Renault
249. Stranger in a Strange Land, Robert Heinlein
250. A Wrinkle in Time, Madeline LEngle
251. The Eyre Affair, Jasper Fforde
252. The House Of The Seven Gables, Nathaniel Hawthorne
253. The Scarlet Letter, Nathaniel Hawthorne
254. The Joy Luck Club, Amy Tan
255. The Great Gilly Hopkins, Katherine Paterson
256. Chocolate Fever, Robert Kimmel Smith
257. Xanth: The Quest for Magic, Piers Anthony
258. The Lost Princess of Oz, L. Frank Baum
259. Wonder Boys, Michael Chabon
260. Lost In A Good Book, Jasper Fforde
261. Well Of Lost Plots, Jasper Fforde
262. Life Of Pi, Yann Martel
263. The Bean Trees, Barbara Kingsolver
264. A Yellow Rraft In Blue Water, Michael Dorris
265. Little House on the Prairie, Laura Ingalls Wilder
266. Where The Red Fern Grows, Wilson Rawls
267. Griffin & Sabine, Nick Bantock
268. Witch of Blackbird Pond, Joyce Friedland
269. Mrs. Frisby And The Rats Of NIMH, Robert C. OBrien
270. Tuck Everlasting, Natalie Babbitt
271. The Cay, Theodore Taylor
272. From The Mixed-Up Files Of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, E.L. Konigsburg
273. The Phantom Tollbooth, Norton Juster
274. The Westing Game, Ellen Raskin
275. The Kitchen God's Wife, Amy Tan
276. The Bonesetter's Daughter, Amy Tan
277. Relic, Douglas Preston & Lincolon Child
278. Wicked, Gregory Maguire
279. American Gods, Neil Gaiman
280. Misty of Chincoteague, Marguerite Henry
281. The Girl Next Door, Jack Ketchum
282. Haunted, Judith St. George
283. Singularity, William Sleator
284. A Short History of Nearly Everything, Bill Bryson
285. Different Seasons, Stephen King
286. Fight Club, Chuck Palahniuk
287. About a Boy, Nick Hornby
288. The Bookman's Wake, John Dunning
289. The Church of Dead Girls, Stephen Dobyns
290. Illusions, Richard Bach
291. Magic's Pawn, Mercedes Lackey
292. Magic's Promise, Mercedes Lackey
293. Magic's Price, Mercedes Lackey
294. The Dancing Wu Li Masters, Gary Zukav
295. Spirits of Flux and Anchor, Jack L. Chalker
296. Interview with the Vampire, Anne Rice
297. The Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices, Brenda Love
298. Infinite Jest, David Foster Wallace.
299. The Bluest Eye, Toni Morrison.
300. The Cider House Rules, John Irving.
301. Ender's Game, Orson Scott Card
302. Girlfriend in a Coma, Douglas Coupland
303. The Lion's Game, Nelson Demille
304. The Sun, The Moon, and the Stars, Stephen Brust
305. Cyteen, C. J. Cherryh
306. Foucault's Pendulum, Umberto Eco
307. Cryptonomicon, Neal Stephenson
308. Invisible Monsters, Chuck Palahniuk
309. Camber of Culdi, Kathryn Kurtz
310. The Fountainhead, Ayn Rand
311. War and Rememberance, Herman Wouk
312. The Art of War, Sun Tzu
313. The Giver, Lois Lowry
314. The Telling, Ursula Le Guin
315. Xenogenesis (or Lilith's Brood), Octavia Butler
316. A Civil Campaign, Lois McMaster Bujold
317. The Curse of Chalion, Lois McMaster Bujold
318. The Aeneid, Publius Vergilius Maro (Vergil)
319. Hanta Yo, Ruth Beebe Hill
320. The Princess Bride, S. Morganstern (or William Goldman)
321. Beowulf, Anonymous
322. The Sparrow, Maria Doria Russell
323. Deerskin, Robin McKinley
324. Dragonsong, Anne McCaffrey
325. Passage, Connie Willis
326. Otherland, Tad Williams
327. Tigana, Guy Gavriel Kay
328. Number the Stars, Lois Lowry
329. Beloved, Toni Morrison
330. Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christs Childhood Pal, Christopher Moore
331. The mysterious disappearance of Leon (I mean Noel), Ellen Raskin
332. Summer Sisters, Judy Blume
333. The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Victor Hugo
334. The Island on Bird Street, Uri Orlev
335. Midnight in the Dollhouse, Marjorie Filley Stover
336. The Miracle Worker, William Gibson
337. The Genesis Code, John Case
338. The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Robert Louis Stevensen
339. Paradise Lost, John Milton
340. Phantom, Susan Kay
341. The Mummy or Ramses the Damned, Anne Rice
342. Anno Dracula, Kim Newman
343. The Dresden Files: Grave Peril, Jim Butcher
344. Tokyo Suckerpunch, Issac Adamson
345. The Winter of Magic's Return, Pamela Service
346. The Oddkins, Dean R. Koontz
347. My Name is Asher Lev, Chaim Potok
348. The Long Goodbye, Raymond Chandler
349. At Swim, Two Boys, Jaime ONeill
350. Othello, by William Shakespeare
351. The Collected Poems of Dylan Thomas
352. The Collected Poems of William Butler Yeats
353. Sati, Christopher Pike
354. The Inferno, Dante
355. The Apology, Plato
356. The Small Rain, Madeline LEngle
357. The Man Who Tasted Shapes, Richard E Cytowick
358. 5 Novels, Daniel Pinkwater
359. The Sevenwaters Trilogy, Juliet Marillier
360. Girl with a Pearl Earring, Tracy Chevalier
361. To the Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf
362. Our Town, Thorton Wilder
363. Green Grass Running Water, Thomas King
364. The Interpreter, Suzanne Glass
365. The Moor's Last Sigh, Salman Rushdie
366. The Mother Tongue, Bill Bryson
367. A Passage to India, E.M. Forster loved
368. The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Stephen Chbosky
369. The Phantom of the Opera, Gaston Leroux
370. Pages for You, Sylvia Brownrigg
371. The Changeover, Margaret Mahy
372. Howl's Moving Castle, Diana Wynne Jones
373. Angels and Demons, Dan Brown
374. Johnny Got His Gun, Dalton Trumbo
375. Shosha, Isaac Bashevis Singer
376. Travels With Charley, John Steinbeck
377. The Diving-bell and the Butterfly, Jean-Dominique Bauby
378. The Lunatic at Large, J. Storer Clouston
379. Time for Bed, David Baddiel
380. Barrayar, Lois McMaster Bujold
381. Quite Ugly One Morning, Christopher Brookmyre
382. The Bloody Sun, Marion Zimmer Bradley
383. Sewer, Gas, and Eletric, Matt Ruff
384. Jhereg by Steven Brust
385. So You Want To Be A Wizard by Diane Duane
386. Perdido Street Station, China Mieville
387. The Tenant of Wildfell Hall, Anne Bronte
388. Road-side Dog, Czeslaw Milosz
389. The English Patient, Michael Ondaatje
390. Neuromancer, William Gibson
391. The Epistemology of the Closet, Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick
392. A Canticle for Liebowitz, Walter M. Miller, Jr
393. The Mask of Apollo, Mary Renault
394. The Gunslinger, Stephen King
395. Romeo and Juliet, William Shakespeare
396. Childhood's End, Arthur C. Clarke
397. A Season of Mists, Neil Gaiman
398. Ivanhoe, Walter Scott
399. The God Boy, Ian Cross
400. The Beekeeper's Apprentice, Laurie R. King
401. Finn Family Moomintroll, Tove Jansson
402. Misery, Stephen King
403. Tipping the Velvet, Sarah Waters
404. Hood, Emma Donoghue
405. The Land of Spices, Kate OBrien
406. The Diary of Anne Frank
407. Regeneration, Pat Barker
408. Tender is the Night, F. Scott Fitzgerald
409. Dreaming in Cuban, Cristina Garcia
410. A Farewell to Arms, Ernest Hemingway
411. The View from Saturday, E.L. Konigsburg
412. Dealing with Dragons, Patricia Wrede
413. Eats, Shoots & Leaves, Lynne Truss
414. A Severed Wasp, Madeleine LEngle
415. Here Be Dragons, Sharon Kay Penman
416. The Mabinogion (Ancient Welsh Tales), translated by Lady Charlotte E. Guest
417. The DaVinci Code, Dan Brown
418. Desire of the Everlasting Hills, Thomas Cahill
419. The Cloister Walk, Kathleen Norris
420. The Things We Carried, Tim O'Brien
421. I Know This Much Is True, Wally Lamb
422. Choke, Chuck Palahniuk
423. Ender's Shadow, Orson Scott Card
424. The Memory of Earth, Orson Scott Card
425. The Iron Tower, Dennis L. McKiernen
426. Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand
427. A Ring of Endless Light, Madeline L'Engle
428. Lords of Discipline, Pat Conroy
429. Hyperion, Dan Simmons
430. If Nobody Speaks of Remarkable Things, Jon McGregor
431. The Bridge, Iain Banks
432. Practical Demonkeeping, Christopher Moore
433. Promethea, Alan Moore
434. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, Mark Haddon
435. Archangel, Robert Harris
436. Vernon God Little, DB Pierre
437. Ultimate Spiderman, Brian Michael Bendis
438. Death of a Doxy: A Nero Wolfe Mystery, Rex Stout
439. The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath
440. Can't You Sleep, Little Bear, Martin Waddell & Barbara Firth
441. Bellwether, Connie Willis
442. The Penguin History of New Zealand, Michael King
443. Venetia, Georgette Heyer
444. Jackaroo, Cynthia Voight
445. Saint Joan, Bernard Shaw
446. Eva Luna, Isabel Allende
447. Being And Nothingness, Jean-Paul Sarte
448. The First $20 Million Is ALways The Hardest, Po Bronson
449. Foundation And Earth, Issac Asimov

I went through and added links for all the books, in case you are interested in exploring the titles further. As some good news, each book goes for a few bucks a pop, so you can pick up lots of things to read on the cheap. And, if you decide to join in on this, feel free to copy the HTML used here (it takes care of the numbering for you). If you just want to add your three, put them in the comments, and I'll update the list accordingly.

You can't go home again

On my way back from NYC, I decided to drop in on Philly. I used to work there for a time, and one of the things that I really loved was the profusion of good Italian food. You could pretty much just throw a rock down the street and it'd land in front a great Italian joint. One in particular I really liked, so I went by to grab some grub.

The place is still there (a good sign), and the menu hasn't changed much in several years (either a rather good sign or rather bad). I asked the waiter if the chef was the same as from then and he told me that it was (although I think he was a little annoyed that I was asking such a question). So I ordered a dish that I remembered really liking.

Well, you know how sometimes you remember things as being better than they were? That wasn't the case here. I think I would have remembered the very few pieces of chicken that did come with the pasta dish I order as having really big green streaks across the surface. That's the sort of thing you don't forget. Ah well, another thing that you can't go back to.

"We prosecute married people"

A rather inventive pitch for a dating service. And extra special points to Lindsey for the Mr. Show reference at the end of her post.

Americans reading less

About half as much as before, it would seem.

A really bad day to be a pedestrian

Today must be clip day here at the Musings.

A video clip of a guy walking across an intersection when he gets caught in the middle of a car wreck. Amazingly enough, the guy lives through it.

Warren Ellis on one of my own pet peeves

I used to work in bars. About ten years of it, to be precise. I blew a good bit of my hearing working in a bar, not to mention learning how to make lots of different drinks. So when I hear people who work in bars complaining about smoke and such, it beggars belief.

It's a BAR!!! What were you expecting?!? It ain't a health club. That there's things in the environment that just might be unhealthy shouldn't rank as a huge shock.

Finally, I'm not alone. Warren Ellis has his own take on it.

Bar staff complaining that passive smoking poses a health risk to them. So your job is to cajole people to buy tasty poison, break up fights, get bottled, mop up spew, breathe in old mens' aspirated diseases as they bellow for more beer over the counter, deal with a dozen different kinds of physical assault -- and it's passive smoking that's a threat to your health? You don't need new laws -- you need new jobs.

Amen, brother, amen.

Please, don't do this

Adults having proms. WTF?!?

...[T]he people who do dress up go for it. "I've done about six corsages for people who are going to pretend proms," says Zofia Zak of M&M Florist in — where else? — Williamsburg, that locus of all things ridiculously ironic. "I make them together with the ones for the children in school."

Zak says the average age of "pretend prom" customers is between 30 and 40, and they ask "for the funny stuff — black ribbons, butterflies, feathers."

A few things here.

1. I know that you don't want to get older. Get Over It. Getting old sucks, but it's better than the alternative.
2. Of all the things from my youth I would want to relieve, prom ain't it. Junior prom: I get turned down by eleven girls in a row before someone agrees to go with me. Senior prom: My first choice goes with me (an improvement!), and then she goes off and has sex with one of my friends at the after party later tha night (not an improvement). My prom(s) sucked the first time around; I don't really want to give it a second chance.

Thanks to Gawker for the tip.

Marlon Brando passes away

Cause of death is being withheld at this time. Brando was 80.

A chance to eat near Tony Bennett?!? Wow...

For some strange reason, Gary Pusateri got upset when the $15,000 he bid at a charity auction was to allow him the privilege of eating in the same restaurant as the singer, instead of actually at the same table.

Pusateri dined in the same Little Italy restaurant as Bennett, but on a separate floor. Hopkins officials blamed an inaccurate script that was given to the auctioneer for creating the impression that the winning bidder would dine with the singer.

Bennett, who wasn't aware of the auction, demanded Wednesday that Pusateri get his money back. [my emphasis]

I'm glad that Pusateri was refunded his money (which he then donated back to the hospital -- he sounds like a real stand-up kinda guy). What I really find surprising is that Bennett wasn't even aware of the auction. You would think he might be just a wee bit upset that someone was using his name like that.

Thanks to Simon for the tip.

Another time waster

A fairly challenging flash based logic/puzzle game.

Thanks to Max for the tip.

Sharon Stone, still got the ego

Take a gander at what she thinks you should give her for showing up.

Would you trust employment advice from this man?

Rev. Al Sharpton, employment expert.

Some people shouldn't be allowed to have children

Especially when they name them after a cable TV network.

The dangers of blogging

4. You will become more news savvy: You'll start reading several news sources to inspire more posts. Unfortunately, you will focus on items that are weird, quirky, or bizarre, thereby eliminating your ability to discuss these items with non-bloggers in real-life (ie around the water cooler) without coming off like the freak you really are.

5. You will feel the need to post: Even when you have nothing to say. Just in case other people are reading.

Not that these danger signs are happening to me.

Thanks to Patrick for the tip.

Fark-in' review

A review of the website FARK. Personally, I rather like this site. If you have never seen it, drop by and give it a shot.

-- Update --
Now, with the right link to the right review! (thanks, Lynn)

Celeb sighting

In what can only be described as a rather unexpected occurance, I just ran into J. August Richards on the street outside of my house. He was walking down the street, I recognized him from Angel (a TV show that I rather liked and was disappointed to see go off the air) and we struck up a very short, very small conversation.

That has to be a strange experience for someone; to have a complete stranger recognize you and start talking to you. And, as a side note, he's a lot taller than I had expected. Like around my height or so.

Ricky Jay, card shark

Ricky Jay is one of the best sleight-of-hand artists around. I know; I've seen him do his work before, and it's nothing short of completely astounding. Others seem to think so, too.

Jay is perhaps the world's greatest sleight-of-hand artist as well as a leading scholar of prestidigitation and illusion. That "Deadwood," set in an 1870s gold-mining camp in what is now South Dakota, would make keen use of Jay's arcane knowledge is no accident; he's also one of the scriptwriters. Jay has a devoted following, and if his fans thrill to him in "Deadwood," many also worry that the series and his movie career might cut into his stage performances, which are already as rare as a royal flush and usually the toughest ticket in town. His breakthrough show in New York City, 1994's Ricky Jay and His 52 Assistants, sold out all performances and won an Obie before he took it to cities on five continents.

Thanks to David for the tip.

I've had this happen to me...

Ever watched something where people were engaging in, um, adult activities and then saw someone you know? At least in my case, the one that I knew was well in my past and will probably never been seen again.

Thanks to TMFTML for the tip.

Break up cliches

From Maccers:

Number 1
It’s not you it’s me.

Responses.

1. You’re sogoddamned right it’s you and that’s the first thing you’ve ever said that made sense. You do realize that you will die sad, lonely and unloved, don’t you?
2. You’re a fucking genius, you. Oh and you know what? You’re dumped.
3. I know and I can’t decide what’s worse – your sweaty back or your spotty arse.
4. Yeah well, you were crap in bed. Nerr.

There are several more on her site....

Thanks to Lindsay for the tip.

I don't have this much free time

The world's biggest ball of paint. I'll just take his word for it.

Car troubles

On top of the speeding ticket that I got recently, I picked up a written warning for having my inspection expired. Then, as I was parking for work, I clipped an outcropping on the curb that tore a gash in one of my tires.

I wonder if biking would be a better solution.

The reason behind ice cream headaches

Just in case you were wondering.

Thanks to TMFTML for the tip.

Virginia is not for all lovers

I'm ever so proud of my home state.

No matter how bad a date you are

...you're still better than this guy.

10 things not to eat

Coming on the heels of Supersize Me, here's a list of things to never eat. As luck would have it, I actually don't like any of the food on this list.

Thanks to Max for the tip.

This is one of the sickest things I've ever seen

So, of course, I'm sharing it. Coming on the heels of the T-Shirt origami and the completely surreal soy sauce commercial, I think I can go out on a limb and conclude that Japan has a strong undercurrent of strange people.

Two notes about this clip.

1. The page to which the link goes is Safe For Work (SFW), I think. However, the actual clip itself is not. Not Safe For Work, Not Safe For Home -- probably not safe for anywhere. Actually, I would probably suggest you go over to a friend's house that you only sort of like and watch it on his machine.
2. I think the animals in the clip are eels, but I'm not sure.

Thanks to Warren for the tip.

From the "too much time on their hands" department

A dissection of Quidditch, the primary game in the Harry Potter series.

The general idea of a broom-riding basketball/hockey/soccer game is not unsound. The problem is introduced with the position of seeker and the hunt for the golden snitch. The objectives of having chasers get the quaffles into the goals and the seeker catching the golden snitch are completely unrelated to one another. It's as if two separate games have been clumsily welded together.

This makes me think of the famous SNL sketch with William Shatner. "I'd just like to say... GET A LIFE, will you people? I mean, for crying out loud, it's just a TV show!"

Thanks to Eugene for the tip.

Food for thought

If you're not on Atkins, then potato chips just might help you get a bit smarter.

Procter & Gamble has come up with an innovative process to place images and text on the surface of Pringles potato chips. ... According to the release, first up will be a promotion involving one of Hasbro's popular board games, "Trivial Pursuit Junior." Questions from that brand will be featured on the [chips], along with the answers, of course.

I would assume the answers will be on one side with the questions on the other.

Thanks to Cory for the tip.

Strip searched before the movie

Last night, I went and caught a sneak preview of the movie. Before we could enter the theatre, though, we were searched -- bags checked, wanded, patted down. Some of the people were turned away when their cell phones could take pictures. This is first time I've ever had that happen to me, but it's been awhile since I've been to a preview.

Anyone else had this experience? It could put a crimp in one of the more amusing urban experiences.

-- Update --
Some people decided to pirate The Day After Tomorrow.

It helps if you pay attention

I got my first speeding ticket today. Lucky me.

Just for the record, not doing the happy dance over this one.

Gettysburg Cemetery Dedication

The Gettysburg Address, Powerpoint style. God I hate that software.

How many of us have wanted to write one of these

A great resignation letter. Highlights:

In fact, I dare say that I would rather be dressed up like a pinata and beaten than remain with this group any longer. I wish you continued success in your goals to turn vibrant, productive, dedicated associates into an aimless, shambling group of dry, lifeless husks.

May the smoke from any bridges I burn today be seen far and wide.

Some bad dating lines

From The Sun:

• Nice top – can I talk you out of it?
• How do you like your eggs in the morning – fertilised or unfertilised?
• The name’s Bond. James Bond.
• I may not be Fred Flintstone but I could make your Bedrock.
• Does God know you’ve escaped from heaven?
• I think I’ve seen you on the cover of Playboy.
• I’m here. What were your other two wishes?

Dude... my hand. It's moving

Yet more in web animation weirdness.

Thanks to Reen for the tip.

You know, I think I'll pass

A rather distant relative of Adolf Hilter could sue for royalties from Mein Kampf, but he doesn't seem to want it.

The real meaning behind the praise

Just because someone tells you they liked your playing doesn't mean that they do. The article is more aimed towards screenwriters and such, but it still applies. Some highlights translated to music:

Comment: "The music really flowed."
Meaning: "Everyone just babbles on and on and on and on . . ."

Comment: "I loved the ending!"
Meaning: "You can't imagine how happy I was to finally be finished listening it so I could return to watching paint dry."

Comment: "I loved it!"
Meaning: "I love my Grandmother too! Doesn't mean I want to hang out with her for three hours on a Friday night though! Jesus I need a drink!"

Thanks to Defamer for the tip.

Me and my fellow geeks are screwed

Soda causes cancer?!? Then what the @)#$* are we supposed to drink a half case of a day? Beer?

Thanks to Lindsey for the tip.

Walk on the left

I don't know if this is just a DC thing. Here in the district, we have a, well, a protocol for using the escalators coming in and out of the Metro stations: If you're just going to ride, stand on the right. If you're going to walk, move to the left.

You can always tell when it's tourist season, because the left hand side of the escalators fill up. I try to be polite in those situations, but it can get on your nerves after a while.

But one of the things about which I am curious is if this is just a DC thing. Do the same rules hold in NYC? If so, I'm not aware of it. Or are they reversed Coriolis-style in Sydney?

Another Japanese video

This time, how to fold a shirt. This clip is becoming very popular as people marvel, wondering just how does she do it.

I guess her skin isn't all "smoothy" anymore

Jennifer Capriati over the years.

Bonus points if you get the reference in the title.

Today's healthy dose of surrealism

A Japanese commerical for soy sauce. I like Neil Gaiman's take on it:

I am certain that this TV commercial for Soy sauce would be much less interesting if I could make sense out of it (cat-headed shrimps: why? the cat who hangs itself: why? the little girl who goes to bed with him at the end: why?) As it is, it becomes a zen cohen: what is the sound of one fish-headed soy-superhero clapping...?

It's truly bizarre.

Musicians are not wimps

A violinist becomes an arm wrestler.

And all this time I was doing it for free

May is Masturbation Month; May 16 is the Masturbate-a-thon!

The Masturbate-a-thon is an event where you get your friends to pledge money for every minute you masturbate on this day (no one has to watch - this is an honor system event). After you have masturbated to your heart's delight, tell your sponsors how long you masturbated and have them make their contribution checks out to "Fenway Community Health."

If there's anything further to say here, I can't begin to know where to start.

Lenny Kravitz's sexual secret

If I only known before that this was the secret to getting the ladies.

Some chutzpah on a traffic ticket

I don't know if I would have tried this approach, but it seemed to work for this guy.

Okay, this is kinda nifty

I can just imagine people stoned out of their gourd, looking at this, drooling and saying "Ccooooolllll......".

Thanks to James for the link.

Red flags of online dating

Once or twice in my life, I've tried the online dating thing. It went okay -- some good, some bad. Not too long ago, one of the sites posted some warning tips to consider when meeting people on line.

• RED FLAG #1: Won't show you current or full body photos.
• RED FLAG #2: They do not have any solid contact numbers.
• RED FLAG #3: Reality VS. Fantasy
• RED FLAG #4: Asks for money.

Things like that.

Anyway, Mickey came up with a parody of the list:

RED FLAG #1: Offers to show you current “full body photos.” What sort of maniac sends naked pictures to total strangers? The sort who is sending naked pictures of other strangers to strangers. That’s right. It’s not him. It’s his neighbor, son, mechanic or something he downloaded from the internet. And, to be perfucktly clear, it is certainly not her. There are no “hers” sending you pictures, my friend. It. Is. Always. A. Man. At any given moment there are thousands of online lesbian relationships being conducted between pairs of hairy little men with damp palms and salvia stained beards. If looks are very important to you—and unless you are a recent parolee, they better fucking be important—I’m afraid you’ll have to go back to meeting people in reality.

Good for a chuckle.

Thanks to Lindsay for tips to both.

No sex for astronauts

An article about astronauts not being allowed to have sex. I love this quote:

He noted the comments of one Russian cosmonaut about time spent cooped up in the Mir space station that "when you have two people locked up in a very small environment for months at a time, all the conditions for murder are met." Mix in sex, and you almost have the script of Othello in space....

Thanks to Eugene for the tip.

The guy in the wedding dress

I'm sure you've probably heard of this guy; he's become an overnight internet phenomenon. But, just in case, here he is.

And now, a new low in patheticness

You, too, can have an imaginary girlfriend.

What is an Imaginary Girlfriend?
This is a service provided by a real life girl where she will pretend to be your long distance girlfriend by sending you personalized love letters, emails, pictures, leave phone messages (if you want), and provide other girlfriend-like services. This relationship appears real to others that may see these things, but it is not. There will be no actual real life meetings or relationship between you and your Imaginary Girlfriend other than that specified in your order. ...

Why would I want an Imaginary Girlfriend?
There are many reasons. Some guys are tired of being told by friends and family to get a girlfriend. Maybe you would like to make someone else jealous when they see how enamored your new girlfriend is by you. Perhaps you are wondering what it's like to have a long distance girlfriend?

These are all good reasons, and it really depends on your situation. Having an Imaginary Girlfriend can be a lot of fun. What guy (or girl) wouldn't enjoy being showered with personal love letters and affection of an Imaginary Girlfriend? Having an Imaginary Girlfriend can be a great confidence booster!

What kind of personalized love letters do I receive?
Each Imaginary Girlfriend is different, but with most Imaginary Girlfriends, every week you will receive a one to three page handwritten letter, personally addressed to you, on pretty stationary sprayed with perfume. Most girlfriends also send pictures and/or other special gifts (ie: lingerie). ...

What happens when the time is completed?
When the stated time period is over, you can break up with your Imaginary Girlfriend for any reason you wish. She will write you a final letter begging you to take her back. Of course you can continue your "relationship" by renewing, or start over and find a new Imaginary Girlfriend of your choice!

I tried to come up with something snarky and pithy to say here, but words just fail me.

Thanks to Will for the tip.

Truly a world gone mad

Johnny Rotten wants to be portrayed by Justin Timberlake in soon-to-be-shot film about his life. In other news from Bizarro universe, Jessica Simpson took time out from her busy schedule to thank the Nobel commitee for nominating her, saying that she just didn't have the time to accept the physics prize, what with the whole jumpstarting of the hydrogen economy.

-- Update --
Emma has a slight update: "Timberlake had agreed to the request provided Lydon stays away from the film set."

Some people are really nuts

As this video clip shows.

Still, I have had the occasional brief flight of fancy to strap on a pair of rollerblades, hop on the metal barristers at the Metro station escalator and ride all the way down. Of course, it's the near certain death that would await at the end that usually convinces me to think of another way to pass the time.

Thanks to Cory for the tip.

How to mess with your head

This is a page by a Japanese artist who creates optical illusions. It's images of discrete objects, but with the color schema and the placement of them, they appear to move. They don't, actually, because if you stare closely, you can clearly observe that no movement is actually taking place in your direct vision. Your periphial, that's another story.

Thanks to Marty for the tip.

Saturday morning alarms

Frank, I feel your pain on this one.

For some unfathomable reason, I turned on my alarm last night despite the fact that it is, indeed, Saturday. Worst part is that I hit snooze nine times this morning before it occurred to me that I could just turn the damn thing off. It's interesting, however, just how much dreaming you can get accomplished in nine-minute increments.

I've done this myself quite a few times.

The children are the future

Just a little English paper for a chuckle. I can remember students like this when I was back in high school. Sometimes, I might even have been one of them.

But what really makes this funny to me is not the, um, inventive descriptions and factual assertions. It's the handwritten note on the bottom of the page. I can just hear the conversation that must have followed -- "Pete, your parents and I are a little concerned about your direction...."

Thanks to Eppy for the tip.

A chuckle at 3 am

Here's the porn version of the Musings. Pornolize runs the text of any site through a text parser and spits it back out with dirty words interspersed throughout.

While I think I've figured out a good bit of the way it works (it parses the text, inserting from a list of words based on either two capitalized words one after the other, what would seem to be a verb or some other kind of process (it's not quite important enough for me to spend real time on it), here's an example of how it translated one of my articles.

The original:

New problems for Michael Jackson
For those who care, it seems like there are more charges filed against MJ.

The newer version:

New problems for Michael "Bonebagger" Jackson
For those who care, it seems like there are more charges shafted against MJ.

For the record, this was pretty much one of the only things I could find on the "translation" that would still be safe for work. That it still works as being pretty accurate was just a coincidence.

Thanks to Lindsay for the tip. And, for those who might be wondering, it's almost certainly not safe for your worksite.

So maybe hiking's not for everyone

As Joel Achenbach found out.

At one point I passed a stretch of mansions, high on the bluff. They revealed no sign of occupants. The rich in America purchase lives of invisibility. They don't hang out on the porch, waving to strangers, shouting, "Howya dune?" They don't whittle in the back yard, or boil up a tub of peanuts and ask everyone in the neighborhood to come over. They stay inside, doing rich-person things, like eating pâté, and thinking about how fluffy their monogrammed towels are. As I looked up at these castle dwellers I realized they would likely never know the joy of hiking along the towpath, soaking wet, heading toward a dismal campsite and taking notes for a book that no one would read. How I pitied them.

I love DC in the springtime

I love DC this time of year. The weather is almost perfect; just the right amount of heat, a nice breeze to keep things cool and the nights and days have a good amount of balance to them. The tourists haven't yet overrun the place, so you can still make your way around without resorting to bodily threats.

When I first moved here, I didn't like the city. At all. In fact, I went way out of my way to avoid setting foot over the border. After a while, I started to go in from time to time, but I didn't make a habit of it. Then, as I was driving up to a bookstore to listen to an author talk about his book, I realized that I was starting to like the city, that it really had a beauty to it.

Since then, I've pretty much started an out and out love affair for the city. I really like living here. Of all the cities that I have been to in the US, I like returning to my home. NYC has the tall buildings that careen the heavens, SF has the hills, the Bay and cable cars, Philly has some of the best Italian food I've ever eaten, Miami's got beach and scene and LA is all show, glitz and sparkle, but nothing's quite like DC.

This is one of the greenest cities that I know of; there are parks everywhere, Rock Creek winds it's way through the heart of the city (yeah, I know, Central Park is bigger, but it's all in one spot. Rock Creek connects one half of the city like an artery). There are trees and gardens everywhere you look, softening any rough edges that might be around.

There are people from every walk of life and every place in the world. Not hyperbolé -- I'm pretty darn sure that every country in the world has some number of people here (in the embassies, if nothing else). I know that I've personally met people from probably at least a quarter of the recognized countries of the world. Even when I was in college, I didn't meet this broad a spectrum of people. For a guy like me who likes drinking in new cultures and new musical styles, this is nearly heaven.

There aren't a whole of of places where a white guy from the mountains of Appalachia play Latin music with two Persian guys? And then break for Ethiopian food? (Yes, I know that there are other places, but you get my point.)

There is so much to do in this city, too. I try to take a few days off each year just to go to some of the offerings. Not the major ones -- everyone who wanders through here goes to the Smithsonians, but there are a whole host of other places of a similar ilk -- the Holocaust Museum, the opera, film festivals, just to name a few.

I know that this isn't the biggest media market in the nation (NYC and LA have that honor), but DC doesn't do all that badly. With few exceptions, we pretty much get all of the major acts through here, and most of the not-so-major ones, too. Even when someone's only going to be in NYC, it's a short train ride up there. A trade I'm more than willing to make.

If you live here, you probably know what I mean already. If you don't live here, drop by sometime for a visit -- you won't regret it.

No wonder geeks are fat...

Computer geeks have a reputation for being a bit overweight. And before you flame me, I am one of those geeks, and I could definitely stand to loose a few pounds. In any case, things like this really don't help all that much.

Thanks to Marty for the tip.

My first mitzvah

Tonight, I went to my first ever Mitzvah. Yes, I know I should probably specify if it was Bat or Bar (in this case, it was for a girl), but since it's my first period, I didn't want to be exclusionary.

It was an interesting experience. I didn't go to the religious ceremony (what with it starting really early in the morning), but I did make it there for the party. And if that doesn't make me a musician, what will. By all accounts, the young lady in question acquited herself quite well in the ceremony, though.

The reception started with a gaggle of thirteen year olds gathering around the guest of honor, congratulating her and telling her how wonderful she looked, while the adults mingled and made small talk. There was a DJ who played bland, inoffensive bubblegum pop while promoting karaoke for which the partygoers could sign up. That probably should have been a warning sign to me, but I pressed on.

The food was actually pretty darn good. More or less Chinese/Japanese in nature, it was much better than the meals I've had at quite a few other parties that I've attended in the recent past. I had meant to find out who the caterer was (for future reference), but I suppose that it slipped my mind. Oh, well.

Then the dancing started. I had been dreading this moment from the moment I saw a DJ. While I'm sure that the kids were going to enjoy it, I had far too many memories of my own DJing experience. I knew what was coming.

The lead off tune? The Electric Slide. Followed closely by Grease, the Macarena, I Will Survive as well as the other DJ stand-bys/work horses. You really have no idea how completely tired I am of each and every one of those songs. Ten years of DJing, hearing almost every one of those tunes almost every night, I can recite the words to any of them from memory at any prompting.

The only thing that could have made the music activities worse was, of course, there. Karaoke, which as far as I am concerned is proof that there is a hell, was available. And avail themselves, the kids did. There's nothing quite like hearing a throng of off key thirteen year olds singing Motown tunes to tug at your hearstrings. Mine were tugging. Tugging me to hunt for an exit.

But the kids had a great time. Particularly one of the younger boys. He was about eight years old and very, very active. So active that I'm hoping he doesn't bruise very easily. All I can say to him is that I hope he focuses on learning to dance. He's a cute kid, and if he learns how to dance, he's going to grow into a real stud muffin in about eight, ten years or so.

And the young lady was the centerpiece of attention for the whole night. The DJ regularly called attention to her, as did her friends and family. That was nice to see. I've been told that a number of mitzvahs turn into a love fest for the power and reach of the parent, with nothing for the kid.

So this was my first time at a mitzvah, and it was o-kay. I ate some good food, spent some time with nice people, danced the Hora to Hava Naglia and got to watch a nice coming of age ceremony.

A cat speaks about it's owner

A film clip in which Lolita talks about it's owner, the Amateur Gourmet.

Thanks to Roger for the tip.

Not just for the ladies anymore....

Tampons, which I have foolishly thought were just for, well, women, seem to be branching out:

"Foxy Lady" Harisu will be the first transgender individual to appear in an advertisement for menstrual pads.

From the middle of next month, Harisu will be appearing as a model in television and magazine ads for imported "UFT" sanitary napkins.

She'll get a guaranteed W100 million an ad for three months. The selection of Harisu, a transsexual, as the model for menstrual pads is setting the advertising world on fire.

Up till now, male stars like Go Su and Gam U-seong have appeared in sanitary napkin ads, but never has a transgender individual appeared in an ad for such a feminine product. The Taiwanese firm UFT really tried hard to cast Harisu in its ads. In fact, when the singer first learned what the company wanted her to market, she was quite hesitant to agree to the project.

The part that really strikes me is not that a transgender person is hawking tampons, but rather than male stars have been selling them for sometime. I can't quite see this one. Maybe it's just me, but I'm not going to buy something for my prostrate that Britney Spears or Janet Jackson flacks, no matter how good a job they're doing at it.

Thanks to Mark for the tip.

Don't play and drive....

For those who might have thought otherwise, playing your instrument while driving might get you in trouble.

Courtney's daughter

Here's the strange thing. Courtney's daughter -- the one that she's so concerned about -- is far more mature than her mother, even when allowing for the 28 years in difference in their ages (11 and 39, respectively).

"Janet Jackson was inappropriate," Frances Bean tells Love during an intimate mother-daughter chat published in the May issue of Blender.

"But I've shown my t - - s in front of people, honey," the blond rocker tells her daughter.

"But [what Janet did] was in front of children," Frances Bean replies.

In the bizarre give-and-take that's bound to get Love, 39, in even more hot water, she also laments to her only child that she's man-hungry and fantasizes about getting a new squeeze.

"Sometimes, mommies need to get laid, too," Love tells her daughter.

"But Mommy," the girl shoots back, "You intimidate men!"

Strange, but it's remarkable which one is the voice of reason.

Copyright law quiz

Given the amount that I've been writing about online music and what I think should or shouldn't happen, I thought it'd be interesting to see how well I understand the law. I did okay, only missed two.

Feel free to see how well you do for yourself.

I don't even know where to start with this

For some really strange reason, Burger King is running this website. It doesn't even pretend to make sense to me.

Thanks to Fark for the tip.

-- Update --
Okay, I sorta get the site now. You can tell the "chicken" to do something and he will. I entered "Play the trumpet", and almost immediately the guy in the chicken suit pantomimed jazz player doing a trumpet solo.

I have no idea if this is a live site (it would seem to be -- but it could also be a fairly large database of clips using a lexical parser for search matches) and what Burger King would hope to get out of this, but it's interesting.

-- Update 2 --
The good folks over at Boing Boing have done some research on the chicken.

I never thought that McDonald's would be healthier

Today, I slept in a bit and went to work late. When I arrived at my building, it was cordoned off with police tape and there was a small army of fire, rescue and police cars all around the area. After walking around in the rain for a few minutes, I managed to James Bond my way into the office.

According to the building management, the local deli received a package with a "strange substance" on it. Because of the proximity of the deli to several federal government installations, the police (over)reacted accordingly.

For people who own property in DC

Just some thoughts on the DC real estate market. Hmmm... maybe it's time to sell my place and move somewhere a bit cheaper.

-- Update --
One of the guys that I work with who lives in the same neighborhood as me sold his condo over the weekend. He bought it three years ago for about $150k and sold it yesterday for $350k. Maybe I really should look at selling my place....

A strange conversation

I just got off the phone with a total stranger in what was a rather surreal experience.

One of the people that work for me in my day job went home to Pakistan to get engaged. It's going to be an arranged marriage, so he didn't know if things were going to go through when he left. Apparently, there has been some good progress, though.

So, a gentleman rings me up (from a 636 area code; California, perhaps?), introduces himself as the uncle of the potential bride and starts asking me questions about my guy; things like is he a good worker, what's the outlook for the company, things like that.

This was definitely a strange conversation for me, but I suppose that's something that you would have to do with arranged marriages. The two parties don't actually know each other, so I suppose some digging by family members is required to vet the partner (so to speak).

This is good fun for a certain state of mind

Scott showed us this site. It's absolutely hilarious, and I'm told even more so when you're half baked at three in the morning.

Studio time tomorrow

Tomorrow, I'll start what promises to be the first of several days in the studio. I'll be recording a few tracks with NGB up at Dragonfly East.

I have to say that I'm a little nervous. For one thing, I'm going to be recording two of Nick's songs that I've played with them twice. This won't be the first time that I've walked into a studio cold only to have to pick up the tunes on the fly. That part I'm not so worried about.

In this case, it's the producer. Scott Spelbring has worked with some of the bigger names in the field (Mariah Carey, Jason Mraz, Crystal Method, just to name a few). If there's one thing that I have learned about the industry, it's really not what you can do or what you know, it's who you know. Scott could be the kind of guy that could really help me grow professionally.

Anyway, I'll try to blog the sessions as best I can.

Amen, brother

Anil, a native of NYC has this simple plea -- a plea that we all can join in, singing in harmony (I know that I'm chiming in my two cents):

My friends, let us all come together on the one day of the year that unites us all, regardless of color, creed, or nationality, and join voices in harmony to sing the message that stirs all of our hearts:

Stop with the goddamned stupid April Fool's jokes on the web, already. Nobody wants to waste all day tomorrow looking at that crap.

I'm ever so proud

It looks like my alma mater is still up to the same high standards as they did when I was there. The frightening thing is that Va Tech is best known for agriculture and engineering. Hopefully, the cows are falling in the river or anything.

A new way to think about books

Jeff Jarvis has had an interesting idea with regards to book and the Creative Commons copyright system.

The idea is to basically annotate it with observations and/or counter arguments. So, you could imagine a music industry rep reading Confessions Of A Record Producer and firing back with real world observations (i.e. "Well, we used to do that sort of thing, but ever since Shelia E. sued us, we stopped."). Or having Felix add his own commentary and feedback regarding his dad.

Alistair Cooke passes

Alistair Cooke has passed on into the next life. Most of my memories of him were from Masterpiece Theatre; pretty much my first introduction to any British person. His writings were wonderful as well. He will be missed.

Someone I can see eye to eye over musicals

Another Brit with a jaundiced point of view.

If any children of mine, rather than going to bed, took five minutes via a complex, multi-lingual song, I think I would send the right down the workhouse. The Von Trapp children are described as thoroughly naughty, but with all their girlie singing are about as hard as candy floss. “I am sixteen going on seventeen” -you are sixteen going on six feet under if I had my way.

A little b-day party

So tonight was Nick's 24th birthday (it was also a friend of Nick's 24th as well, so happy birthday, Nate). After we played a short set, we hung out for a while, talking with some people partaking in drinking games (for myself, it's been something like ten years since the last time I played beer pong).

After a while, I started to pack up to head back home. As I'm loading my car, I notice a few cars coming up the road with their lights out. I can remember enough parties from my days in my hometown to recognize when the police are sneaking up to raid a party. And, right on cue, as I'm lugging my head out of the house, three officers (two county cops and one town cop) approach me and ask what's in the case. After I show them, they then ask me, "Are you the father of this house?"

Now, I know that I was probably the oldest person at that house be a good five years or so, but I hardly think I look like a father to anyone who would be partying at midnight on a Friday night. But, I decided that telling the nice police officer to sod off would not be the good idea, so I just answered "Nope" and went about my business.

Email suggestions

While I don't agree with all of the edicts listed here, it's a pretty good place to start when thinking about writing an email to anyone.

Critics online

Some of the online critics are becoming rather powerful in their opinions.

Not if you want to bedazzle Johnson [Rebecca Johnson, #4 on Amazon's top customer book reviewers], who gets 40 to 60 free books a month, along with checklists from publishers asking her to mark the upcoming titles she's interested in receiving at no charge. Play along, and your shot at a rave review is far better than it would be with professional critics.

No one is saying that the Harold Blooms and Dale Pecks and other literati should be looking over their shoulders, but professional critics are no longer the only game in town. These days, as the Internet continues to reshape our notion of community, amateur critics are posting reviews across the cultural spectrum — from film to books and more — on discussion boards, blogs and other sites.

Time at a techie convention

I spent most of my day at a technical conference, working the booth. For those who have never been to one of these things, allow me to quickly describe it for you.

A large mass of people swirl around various boothes, mostly looking to see what few stuff (in this case, typically T-shirt and koosh balls) each booth has to give away. Occasionally, you may talk to the actual people in the booth about their products, and sometimes that conversation might even veer into more than the "I'm-trying-to-get-information-for-free" vein.

In any case, I'm not what you would call booth material. I'm neither bimbo nor himbo, even if I can do the superficial charm thing.

What do I mean by bimbos and himbos? Suprisingly enough, companies try to stock their boothes full of attractive people. Sometimes that can go to ridiculous lengths, with more than a few companies hiring models (professional as well as, um, more, ah, adult in nature).

There was this one company (DataButler, I think) that dressed all their booth people like butlers. Unfortunately, that meant the two women that worked the show were dressed as French maids. In a large room full of techie geeks. To use the stereotype, full of men who might still live with Mom, probably haven't had a date with a real girl for quite a few, well, years, and have copious amounts of porn at home. I felt rather badly for them. It's also not a good thing for the company (since I don't remember much about them other than a general feeling of disgust).

As you can probably tell, I'm not a big fan of working these events. Perhaps they are useful for marketeers, but I'm a techie in my day job. I can do the marketing thing, but it's not quite my passion.

I'm also not that much on attending these events. There's rarely a chance to glean useful information, and I tend to spend most of my time trying to network with other techies. And even that doesn't fly all that well. Most of the people that I run into tend to be greener than me (I've been working in my field for about ten years now), what ends up happening more often than not is that I get lots of emails asking me questions (that I do my best to answer). When I was younger and more junior, I was probably doing the same thing to the more senior people, so I try to help out where I can.

Man, all this to say that it's been a really busy day, so not much posting.

The Passion of the Dead at Dawn

I bet you didn't know that Passion of the Christ was remarkably similar to Dawn Of The Dead, did you?

People with too much money on their hands

I think it was Thomas Tusser who said "A fool and his money are soon parted." Here's some more evidence to support that particular thought.

-- Update --
Okay, I originally thought that it was P.T. Barnum who said the above quote. Thanks to QuotesLand for the assistance and the correction.

Online honesty

It's hard to believe, but there is a study showing that people tend to be more honest online than in the real world.

What it is about online life that makes us more truthful? It's simple: We're worried about being busted. In ''real'' life, after all, it's actually pretty easy to get away with spin. If you tell a lie to someone at a cocktail party or on the phone, you can always backtrack later and claim you said no such thing. There's probably no one recording the conversation, unless you're talking to Linda Tripp (in which case you've clearly got other problems).

On the Internet, though, your words often come back to haunt you. The digital age is tough on its liars, as a seemingly endless parade of executives are learning to their chagrin. Today's titans of industry are laid low not by ruthless competitors but by prosecutors gleefully waving transcripts of old e-mail, filled with suggestions of subterfuge. Even Microsoft was tripped up by old e-mail messages, and you would figure its employees would know better. This isn't a problem for only corporate barons. We all read the headlines; we know that in cyberspace our words never die, because machines don't forget.

Speaking just for me, I know that I try to be pretty careful about what I write here. I know that it is far too easy for anyone to fact-check my ass, so I try to backstop what I say, find some sort of support for my opinions (other than just me saying "this is what I think.").

There's nothing wrong with me just simply stating my opinion, as long as I make clear (as best I can) what is my opinion and what I consider to be fact.

Why I like to read Llieks

He's a good writer with a nice turn of the phrase:

Note to Crayola bath colors: please adjust the final hue of the purple tablet; it’s not only not purple, it’s pink, and it’s an alarming shade of pink at that. By which I mean when you step away from your child to answer the phone, you return she’s floating in what appears to be TWENTY GALLONS OF BLOOD. Please make a note of it.

Note to Zippo: here’s a hint about what you could do on your website: Sell Zippos. Just a thought.

His writings are an offbeat look on life from a writer living in Minnesota.

Quite amusing, eh?

From the good folk over at FARK, this absolutely hilarious headline:

Indian cricket fan commits suicide after loss. Suicide took three days and Americans kept cheering at the wrong times.

Here's the link to the story, if you're interested in it. FARK comments here.

Common mispronouced words

I know that I mangle quite a few of these.

Thanks to Tyler for the tip.

Jessica Simpson, genius

You've done a nice job decorating the White House.

so says Jessica Simpson to Gail Norton, Secretary of the Interior. I don't think that I really need to add anything to this...

Being anonymous

An interesting article about anonymity on the web. I think I have explained before as to why I use a pseudonym when I both write and play.

Culture from around the world

An article about the decline of foreign media sales in the US raises some interesting points.

It's impossible to know the movies, books and performances we aren't getting as a result: Are we missing the next "One Hundred Years of Solitude" or "Jules and Jim," the next Baryshnikov?

But besides all the art we aren't seeing or hearing, the most important loss may be in what this lack of foreign culture does to U.S. society as a whole.

I think this is a large issue. Over the last several years, both my musical and film taste have drifted more and more towards world influences. I find a freshness there that seems so lacking in most of the cultural output of the US.

I fully expect I'm probably discovering the musical equivalent to Counting Crows of Brazil, but there's a completely different energy coming from the speakers when I play it. The mainstream of music from somewhere like Mali can capture some of the general musical feel of the culture.

The more I listen to unusual musical styles, the more my own playing grows (as I internalize the different rhythms, scales and other aspects of the idiom). It's one of the main reasons why I hunt for music from all over the world.

Film critic Rosenbaum, whose book "Movie Wars" laments the obscurity of foreign film, writes that "even bad or mediocre foreign movies have important things to teach us. Consider them cultural CARE packages, precious news bulletins, breaths of air (fresh or stale) from diverse corners of the globe." They're also, he writes, "proof positive that Americans aren't the only human beings and the decisions we make about how to live our lives aren't the only options available — at least not yet."

I couldn't agree more. And it would appear that I'm not the only one.

World-music records sell roughly as well as jazz, and sales are modestly rising at a time when most album sales are falling off.

So check out some music from other places in the world; you might just find something that you haven't ever heard before....

A voice against blogging...

An editor in NY speaks out against blogging. It's an amusing read.

For me personally, I have found that I'm enjoying the process of writing this blog. I get to spout off on various topics that I find interesting, and the occasional person drops by to read my rants. Everyone wins, right?

USMC rules for gunfighting

I ran across this while killing some time on the web, it got a good chuckle on a bad day.

Pedestrian pacifier buttons

Have you ever seen those buttons at crosswalks in cities saying "Push Button To Cross Street?" We have them here in DC. I call them pedestrian pacifiers; they don't actually cause any change in the traffic, but they make you think they do, so you're more willing to wait at the curb instead of striding into traffic.

I know that so of you think I'm wrong. Well, here's proof that I'm not as crazy as you might think.

The city deactivated most of the pedestrian buttons long ago with the emergence of computer-controlled traffic signals, even as an unwitting public continued to push on, according to city Department of Transportation officials. More than 2,500 of the 3,250 walk buttons that still exist function essentially as mechanical placebos, city figures show. Any benefit from them is only imagined.

Yes, I know the article is for NYC, but I suspect the same would hold in more places. As someone once said, "I try to be cynical, but I just can't keep up."

Hip hop rules for Brits

Apparently the hip-hop culture is invading British youth. I have trouble imagining someone talking about "bustin' a cap in yo ass" with a cockney accent, though.

Parking Tickets in DC?

I've heard of this service that will fight parking tickets for you. You only pay if you win, and they say they'll handle everything for you.

Call me skeptical, but if it works, the guy's probably hit on a winning business model.

Your own personal UPC

Just in case you decide to skip the middleman and actually sell yourself.

Rap-A-Grams

"Carolyn? I'm gonna deliver a Rap-A-Gram for you," says the man in black.
"A what?"
"A Rap-A-Gram."
She scowls. "This is a joke, right?"

And all of this for a mere $129.99. You, too, can get a Rap-A-Gram.

This is innovative, but I'm not sure how successful this particular venture will be.

A sign of the apocalypse

It seems that Justin Timberlake will be, um, starring in a major motion picture. Lucky us.

Parody site supporting bootlegging

Just to get this out of the way, bootlegging = bad. Having said that, the ham-handed approach of such groups as the RIAA has probably done more to romaniticize and encourage bootlegging than it has made headway on stopping it. The MPAA is trying their own tack, mostly trying to guilt people into not downloading movies by pointing out all the 'smaller people' who would be hurt by the activity (not Tom Cruise, but Tom Cruise's stunt double). In response, some guys have thrown together a pro-bootlegging parody site. Some of their thoughts --

Put simply, bootlegging promotes creativity and diversity in the marketplace by exposing literally millions of people to the great works of literature, art and action blockbusters.

Are you afraid bootlegging impinges on the intellectual property rights of writers, directors and actors who have worked long and hard to make movies?

Not to worry! These artists have long since gotten screwed by their distributors, producers and agents! Chances are, they won't be seeing a dime in royalties from so-called "legitimate" distribution of their films. They don't call it "Hollywood accounting" for nothing!

Patrick Stewart against space travel

It seem that Patrick Stewart (most famous for Star Trek: The Next Generation) has decided that he is against space travel.

"I would like to see us get this place right first before we have the arrogance to put significantly flawed civilizations out onto other planets," Stewart said.

The 63-year-old British actor says manned missions are too expensive. "It would take up so many resources, which I personally feel should be directed at our own planet," he said.

I have to agree with Lileks' on this one.

Oh: right. Actor talking. "Get this place right." What would that look like, exactly? And how would we know? If in 2079 there's one monomanical Marxist sub-saharan leader starving his people for political gain, does this obligate other nations to shut down their rocketry programs until the guy dies and crop production returns to pre-tyrant levels?

Making movies takes up many resources which could be directed at our own planet. For that matter, millions of pounds are spent in England annually for theater productions – I propose a ten-year moratorium on all stage shows, with the money distributed directly to our own planet. And after we have gotten things right on this planet we can get back to such frivolous luxuries as theater. What's that, you say – theater employs many people? Theater inspires imaginations, adds to our store of knowledge, helps us define what it means to be human?

And exploring other words doesn't, eh. Noted: the future of humanity shall consist not in getting this place right but watching angry Pinter screeds about that wretched meat we know as our own flawed species. And when we leave the theater we can look up and behold an infinite world we must never pollute.

Fat Albert casting

It seems that the old cartoon series Fat Albert is going to be made into a live action film. And that casting for two roles will be happening in Washington DC.

Twentieth Century Fox will hold open casting calls this weekend for its upcoming motion picture FAT ALBERT, based on Bill Cosby’s famed character.

"FAT ALBERT"
CASTING FOR THE ROLE OF AN AFRICAN-AMERICAN MALE 18-22 YEARS OLD (to play 17-18), Big Guy! MUST SING/RAP/DANCE/MOVE WELL

"OLD WEIRD HAROLD"
CASTING FOR THE ROLE OF AN AFRICAN-AMERICAN MALE 18-22 YEARS OLD (to play 17-18), SLIM MUST BE AT LEAST 6'5"’/BASKETBALL PLAYER

What to bring?
1. Bring headshots, resumes and pens
2. If you do not have a head shot or professional resume, please bring in two snap shots or Polaroids, (1) Head shot from the top of your shoulders up, showing your straight-on full face (no angles), and, (2) Full length shot. Please make sure to print the following information on the back of each shot:

Print full name, address, and all contact numbers, email address (very important), height and true body weight.

Casting location details are as follows:
Saturday, February 7th
4:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m.
South East Tennis and Learning Center
701 Mississippi Avenue, South East
Washington, DC 20032

-- Update --
Another notice has gone out with altered information. The changes are reflected above.

Name Tags

I bloody well hate name tags. To me, they facilitate a false familiarity. A person might walk up to me, read my name tag and act like she knows me (she might even be able to pull it off). I'd much rather have her talk to me. Just ask me my name; it's really no big deal. And we'll probably end up talking for a bit, maybe even get to know each other a bit.

Three Finger Salute

The guy who invented the Ctrl-Alt-Delete combination on DOS systems retired from IBM today.

""I may have invented [Ctrl-Alt-Delete], but Bill [Gates] made it famous," Bradley said."

Women buy more tech than men

Lame, misogynistically insulting Circuit City ads notwithstanding, it seems that women actually spend more money on technology than men do. Maybe all my brother's protests about how his wife was the one that wanted the big screen TV the size of Nebraska were actually true....

@)*$%$#

MediaCatch has hosed me again. Something like seven posts from today and two or three from yesterday have just disappeared. I think this makes the third time in five days that they have refreshed the MySQL databases (which have the net effect of wiping out any work I might have done in the interim). Not that I'm annoyed or anything.

I don't even know what to do about it; I have to put up with them for a few more months (then the contract is over). We'll see what happens then.

--Update--
I found the backup I made at work before I left yesterday, so the posts are back up.

Snowing in DC

It's snowing in DC, there's about four inches on the ground and the nation's capital resumes it's annual brain fade about winter weather.

Personally, I don't get it. I grew up in the mountains; four inches would be regarded as a light day and not worth waking up early over. Around here, every grocery store for twenty square miles has been completely cleaned out of milk, bread, toliet paper and disposable diapers. And don't even think about driving through the streets.

Winter drivers tend to fall in one of two camps: the ones that drive like they're trying to dodge the flakes and the ones who think 'since I got that spiffy four wheel drive, I can cruise down these side roads at sixty miles an hour'. Both of these drivers tend to end up in the side of the road, usually after some low grade vehicular incident.

--Update--
I'm looking out the window of my office to the streets of DC and I notice two things:
1) The sidewalks are completely clear and probably have enough salt on them to cover all the pretzels sold at a Yankees' game.
2) The streets are completely white and will probably be a solid sheet of ice by 7pm this evening.

Live Music

Eric has put up an interesting post about the web, the music industry and live music. I think that this could be a good trend, and one I would like to encourage.

Just speaking personally, I tend to prefer live recordings over studio recordings. It's been my experience that someone can Pro Tool their way to perfection in the studio (Jennifer Lopez/Brittney Spears anyone?). But live, there's nowhere to hide. Not only is the performance more honest, there tends to be more energy to the music itself.

Opus is back

This is probably just me being a bit behind the times, but Opus is back in print! One of my favorite cartoon strips from my younger days was Berkeley Breathed's Bloom County. This Sunday, I was picking up some Chinese food and decided to skip the Sunday comics. On the front section of the Washington Post's comic pages was Opus, in all his penguin glory. Now, if only I could find where the strip would be online, I'd be all sorts of happy.

The guys of Oz

Is it just me or are all the actors from HBO's series Oz getting work all over the place? I just watched Monster today, and Lee Tergesen (Beecher) has a featured role. All of the Law and Order series has at least one person on the show who was in Oz (J.K. Simmons/Schillinger/Dr. Skoda on Law and Order, B.D. Wong/Father Ray/Dr. Huang and Christopher Meloni/Keller/Det. Stabler on SVU. CI has no mainstay from Oz, but I think just about every episode has had at least one Oz refugee as a guest star).

Not that I mind too terribly much; Oz was a great show. Granted, it was a semi-soap opera for men with massive homoeroticism throughout the series, but it was well written and well acted. And it pretty much convinced me that I will hang myself before going to a maximum security prison.

Baby, It's Cold Outside

I'm sitting out on the cold concrete in front of the 9:30 club, enjoying a sunny day with a brisk wind chill of about 30 degrees. Not as cold as they had forecast, but still pretty darn nippy. Why am I out here, you might ask? A reasonable question. Simply put, it's my turn to hold the line.

There are a bunch of bass players from the DC area that will be here tonight (in fact, if someone were to roll a grenade or two into the audience tonight, I think about 2/3 of the DC bands would be SOL). At a Marcus Miller show a few years ago, a nice guy named Darryl White was kind enough to let me hop in line after him (we had met at another bass show a month or so earlier). So, tonight I returned the favor.

Where in the world is Carmen San Diego's IP

Just a kinda cool toy -- give an IP address, find out where it's located in the world. So far, it's found AOL, the company that I use to host this site and my work site all accurately....

(thanks, Jeff)

RIAA effect on encryption

If you haven't read any of Clay Shirky's writings, you really should make some time for it. He's a really insightful guy when it comes the impact of technology on society.

One of his latest posts is about how the RIAA is inadvertently spreading the gospel of encryption to the masses through their rather ham-handed legal strategy.

Now, as a musician, I'm all in favor of musicians getting paid royalities for their efforts, but the approach the RIAA is taking is alienating people right and left who would otherwise might be fans. CD sales have been declining for a few years? Just maybe that has a bit more to do with the economic downturn than a bunch of fifteen year old kids trading Lincoln Park mp3's. The RIAA needs to find a way to co-exist with the file trading services before they completely tick off enough people that they stop buying CDs altogether and only trade tunes.

Strep!

So I have been diagnosed with a bacterial infection of the throat. Lucky me. I haven't had this since 1987 or so. So now I get to spend the next several days laying around my house, drinking my body weight in fluids and generally trying to rest as much as possible. But that's largely what I have been doing since Monday. I'm getting so bored.

Still tomorrow night's show should be rather interesting. Singing is definitely out. Smarter heads would probably tell me that I shouldn't go at all -- what with being sick and all -- but I haven't missed a show in my life and I'm not about to start now.

I did manage to get a hold of Rob, though. He's agreed to be kind enough to sit in from time to time during the set to give me more breaks than usual. While I could probably pull the whole evening, I'd rather not push myself anymore than I already am.

Mr. Picasso Head

Now this is just a cool way to kill a bit o' time. Try it for yourself.

Promotions are good, right?

I just got a promotion at my day job. That should be a good thing, right? Unfortunately, this particular promotion comes with more responsibility and more headaches (and, no doubt, yet more drains on my available time) but doesn't come with additional pay or other kinds of incentives.

Tired from work

I'm sitting here, about to get off of work, and I'm completely exhausted. For the last seventeen hours, I've done very little more than type, eat a little food here and there and read incessantly.

What I don't really get is why that makes me so tired. It's not like I spent the day picking peppers or roofing a house. If I did that, I'd be bone tired, but I would have gotten some exercise in the process. This way, I'm tired, but that's about it. It's probably a big reason why most of the computer people that I know are either overweight or heading in that direction. I know that I've put on way more weight than I would like, and most of that is because I spend far too much time typing.

It's kind of like driving for hours. I'm going to be heading home soon. When I get there, I'm going to be wasted tired, and all that I will have done is driven my car for six, seven hours. Will I have gotten any exercise worth speaking of during that time? Nope. Will I have eaten bad food and drank a bunch of soda? Almost certainly.

And between my day job and this music gig, I'm not having as much time as I would like for working out. Guess I'll have to cut back on the day job....

All day meeting

There's nothing quite like sitting in a warm room, listening to a Romanian man drone on about arcane technical details. I'm a techie; I actually like this sort of stuff, and I'm catching my head drop time and time again. Of course, being out until 2am or so and up at 6:45 probably isn't helping all that much. Good thing I can sort of sleep with my eyes open. If only I could get my head to stay in the same place and not snore, and things would work out just fine.

I had a blonde moment this morning as well. I walked out of my place and left my wallet at home, so no lunch today (which is probably not such a bad thing, given that I am trying to lose weight). There are a room full of people in the room with me, but I don't know them, so I'm loathe to even try to bum some cash off of any of them. In any case, that'll learn me to leave my cash at home...

Belgin chocolate

is a good thing. Fresh from Belgium is even better. That's probably the best thing about this morning so far.

Hanging out w/ Flip

I dropped by Flip's show tonight after rehearsal just to chat. I'm still in the process of building this website, and I wanted his permission to link to his site.

Just as a tangent, the etiquette of linking is a strange thing on the web. When do you ask someone for permission, as opposed to just doing it? I try to ask as many people as I can, on the theory it just seems like the right thing to do. Having said that, I didn’t ask Ampeg or (any of those type of people) for permission. I doubt they’d respond in any fashion – they probably get throngs of people daily adding them to their site as a link. Responding to permission requests would quickly be a full time job.

Anyway, back to Flip. Dana (Flip's wife) came into town as well. She’s a great lady that I don’t know as well as I would like. Case in point: I knuckled under and got her a gift certificate for Christmas this year.

Why knuckled under? It seems to me that giving someone a gift certificate is tantamount to saying “I don’t know you well enough to even guess at what you might like.” That’s not always the case, but sometimes does feel that way.

Still, hopefully Dana can use it to pick up something that she likes (since I pretty much already exhausted the available supply of Cirque Du Soleil DVDs). It was nice seeing Dana and talking with her. Flip also hung out afterwards with some other comics. I have no idea who they were, but it was a good time.

IMDB for music?

So, I have a question for anyone who might want to step up and answer it. Why is there no equivalent of the Internet Move DataBase for music? I think it would just about be better than sliced bread to be able to enter a CD, find out all the people who worked on it and then lookup any other projects that, say, the keyboard player did because he had such good feel. Or anything else the recording engineer worked on just because you liked the way he did the mix and you just might want to hire him for your own project. Now wouldn't that be a good thing?

Hearing check

I went to the ear doc today. That's one of those things that I rather dread, right up there with a dentist visit. I've been putting off going back to the ear doc for some time. See, I have tinnitus. For those who might not know what this is, think about it this way: Ever been to a concert and your ears ring when you come out? Well, the ringing in my ears doesn't stop. Ever. It's not the best of experiences, but this one is largely self-inflicted (10 years of DJing...).

Today, I got a full spectrum hearing test and some impressions made (for custom earplugs -- I don't want things to get any worse than they already are). The bad news is that I lost about 10dB@2kHz in my left ear and about 5dB@3kHz in my right ear. The good news is that I am still way above "normal" across the board. All in all, that's a good thing, right?

Luck w/ Musicians

I was just working on adding to my bio, when I started to think of some of the people that I have encountered while playing music. In my experience, musicians have a bad reputation -- being a diva, making unreasonable requests, one ego-maniac and glory-hog after another. Unfortunately, I've ran into a number of people that seem bound and determined to keep the reputation alive. But what just struck me as I was typing is that I have been rather lucky as of late.

Most of the people that I have met through music have been really quality people. Nice people, the kind that you want to help out and that would help you out in return. I really have been blessed in this regard. I know that playing music with, well, jerks, tends to suck the joy of what should be an otherwise peachy experience.

The other weekend, I was at Bassists In Front. Which, by the way, was a great time. A dozen or so bass players hanging out, making music. They even talked me into getting up and playing for a bit. Anyway, after we all played individually, we did a jam session with about four bassists at a time. And it struck me: bass players are almost uniformly willing to share, to reach out to other musicians. In my experience, much moreso than other kinds of musicians. Maybe it's something about being primarily a supporting musician, maybe it's something completely unrelated, I don't know. Just my observation.

Flying the friendly skies. Well, not so friendly this time around.

Great, so now I get to fly back home with my basses. The ones that I now know I'm not supposed to be able to get on as carry on luggage. Oh, and did I mention that this is a red-eye flight, with a three hour layover in Vegas?

And, as a side note, if you want to get searched – thoroughly – by security before you get on a plane, here are some tips and tricks:

1. Put some duct tape on a piece of your luggage (because it’s got a hole in it and you don’t want anything to spill out).
2. Carry an odd shaped bag (like, hypothetically, a gig bag).
3. Have your flight go into DCA (with the air marshals and the extra-special security).
4. Fly on September the 11th.
5. with a guy from Pakistan.

Several hours later, I began to do my pre-flight prep for just how I was going to scam my basses onto the plane this time.

And, through the same process, I managed to get my basses on board. Both attendants came to me this time, advising me of the new FAA regulations. I did my best dumbfounded look (not a hard thing for me), pleaded total ignorance as to the new regs and basically scammed my way into a break.

We touched down in Vegas (not a lot to recommend about that airport, I have to say). Then the final leg of the trip. I managed to get my guitars on board, and I also managed to learn that the flight attendants can't take money as a tip, but they can take CDs.

The flight into DC was miserable. Really, really turbulent. I don’t particularly like flying to start with – I don’t hate it, I’m not afraid of it, but it’s hardly my favorite way to travel. So having so much turbulence that attendants started to refer to the pilot as “Captain Bouncy”. Somewhere over the Rockies, I asked for one of the attendants to bring me a whiskey and Coke, hold the Coke. Believe it or not, that actually made things better.

Things finally started to ease up right around the Mississippi and we landed at 6:45am or so. I had originally planned on taking a train up to NYC, go by Fodera and drop off my bass for some work, but I was way too tired, and I collapsed into a bed until about 8pm that night.

Flying the friendly skies with a bass guitar

Just to get this out of the way, I really hate being deceptive. It's a pain, it's work, and it's a hassle. But, I sort of had to do it recently. I was on the hook to fly out to San Francisco for the Oracle Open World convention. While I was out on the coast, I managed to make arrangements with Kai Eckhardt to study with him for a bit. And all I needed to do to make everything happen was to manage to get a bass out to SF with me. And therein lies the deception part.

A bass gig bag is a big ol' thing. You hardly can miss one of them. Particularly a double gig bag. And, in any case, any size gig bag is too big to qualify as a carry on: about twice as tall as those little metal frames you're supposed to put your suitcase into when you check to see if it's okay. I had read up on a few things about flying with a bass, and I figured I was ready for excursion.

I got Rich to give me a ride to the airport, on the grounds that if security at DCA wouldn't let me through with my basses (I decided to take the Fodera and the Ibanez), I'd like to have a musician take it home for the week (since he would be more likely to give it the care and feeding it would need). Of course, they gave me the long, hard look-over -- an odd shaped bag is one of those things that they apparently look for. But, I made it through, and then waited around for my opportunity to board the flight.

The gig bag was my only carry-on luggage, I asked for a seat at the back of the plane (that way all the overhead compartments would be unobstructed), I slung the bag low over my shoulder so that my body was in between the gate person and my bass -- and it worked. I got it on board without any problems. Ah, but if only that had set the stage for the rest of the trip.

My way out to SF was through Phoenix. I had to do the same routine, getting onto the plane again, but this time, it didn't go so smoothly. I got everything onto the plane, but the attendents started to give me a hard time about the size of the bag. Apparently, "...the FAA passed a new regulation on September the first declaring that any musical instrument of 29 inches in length cannot be considered as carry-on baggage." This was news to me (which is ironic, considering that I do some contracting for the FAA) and I told him as much. He still gave me some grief but was kind enough to let it slide "...this time."

So now I'm out in SF with two basses and I know that it's apparently against the rules for me to fly back without checking my basses as luggage of some sort. And, having watched the exquisite care the luggage crew treated the bags (normal checked, gate checked, please-don't-break-this-it's-4-million-years-old checked, didn't seem to matter -- maybe it's time to Anvil up), there was no way in hell I was going to let that happen.